SALT LAKE CITY, UT - In response to BYU quarterback Max Hall's recent statements, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has adopted an amendment to its Thirteenth Article of Faith. The revised declaration now reads, in pertinent part, "We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men except those affiliated with the University of Utah, its football team, or fans thereof."
Additionally, LDS Church spokesman LaVerne Christiansen stated that General Authorities who had received academic degrees from the University of Utah would be immediately granted emeritus status and removed from their callings. "Except for President Monson," Christiansen explained, "because he repented of his [University of] Utah Bachelor's Degree by getting an MBA from the Lord's One True University."
In related news, church scholars engaged in the Joseph Smith Papers Project have reported that they have recently discovered Smith's personal notes regarding the "inspired" translation of Matthew 5:44. "The King James Version has Christ telling his disciples to 'love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you,' which is all very good," said Project Editor F. Merrill Baker, Jr., "but the [newly discovered] Prophet's translation includes a caveat, making it clear that the Lord's pronouncement doesn't apply to the Utes."
"It's marvelous," continued Baker, who holds a doctorate in archival archaeology from Brigham Young University, "and it reveals that even though the University of Utah wasn't founded until 1850--more than five years after his death--Joseph Smith knew by the spirit of prophecy and inspiration that its football fans would spill their beer on BYU fans."
As with many illiterate dipshits born in the 1970's, my first exposure to the character of Boromir from J.R.R. Tolkein's The Lord of the Rings stories came thanks to the Ralph Bakshi cartoon. If you've seen it, then you'll know its depiction of Boromir pretty much made him out to be a bear, so I didn't think he was cool at all.
Then, of course, Peter Jackson made his badass movies. I saw the first one, The Fellowship of the Ring, and I was really intrigued by the character of Boromir. Here was this guy who appeared to be a strong, noble person, but he was really quite flawed. When Galadriel perceives his thoughts, Boromir kind of realizes he's not quite the champion he thinks he is. Toward the end, he succumbs to temptation and turns awfully dark. He tries to take the Ring from Frodo, an act that unravels the Fellowship and stirs up quite a shitstorm. But before the end, Boromir redeems himself and rescues the hobbits, sacrificing himself in the process. The lesson I get from Boromir is that even the good guys fuck up pretty bad sometimes, but what's important isn't whether or not you fuck up, it's what you do after you've fucked up that counts.
After seeing the movie, I finally plowed through the books, which of course I love. I even love the gay little song about Boromir:
What news of Boromir the Bold? For he is long away. ‘Beneath Amon Hen I heard his cry. There many foes he fought His cloven shield, his broken sword, they to the water brought. His head so proud, his face so fair, his limbs they laid to rest; And Rauros, Golden Rauros Falls, bore him upon its breast.’ Oh Boromir! The Tower of Guard shall ever northward gaze To Rauros, Golden Rauros Falls until the end of days.
4. Ash Williams
Ash, the protagonist from Sam Raimi's Evil Dead trilogy, is equal parts badass and dumbass. I certainly think I identify more with Ash's dumbass characteristics, but still, I like to think that when I'm at my best, I'm like Ash:
3. Snake Eyes
Of the five guys on this list, I don't see any of myself in Snake Eyes. Rather, Snake Eyes is what I aspire to be. To me, he is the ideal. He doesn't talk, so there's no bullshit. I, on the other hand, am full of bullshit. Snake Eyes is disciplined and gets the job done in a total no-nonsense way. Hot shot pretty boys like Duke get the medals and shit, but you know that if you're a Joe in foxhole and Cobra starts bringing the pain, you want one Joe by your side and that's muthafuckin' Snake Eyes. I would like to be that kind of guy.
And yes, of course that includes having his skills with a katana.
2. Luke Skywalker
In a lot of ways, I think I identify more with Luke's dad than Luke, but I've already covered the tragic flaw/redemption stuff with Boromir. Plus Anakin's acting in the movies kind of sucks, so I'll default to the original trilogy and the hero of my youth. I never thought I was as cool as Han Solo, it all seemed pretty easy for him. Luke, on the other hand, starts out as totally a whiny wuss but he is driven by a desire to become something more. Step by step, he takes instruction and learns new things and consistently chooses the light side. I can be a whiner at times, and I do think I try to choose the light side more often than not. And even though Luke was probably more successful at being a good guy than I have been, at least I never made out with my sister.
1. Flash Gordon (1980)
I specifically list this as Flash Gordon (1980), because although I am a humongous nerd (obviously), and I have really tried hard to become a fan of Flash Gordon in general, it's really only the Flash Gordon from the 1980 movie that does it for me. I've read a lot of the old Alex Raymond comic strips, I've watched the old Buster Crabbe serials, and I even watched a commercial for the new SyFy series--which looked horrible so I never watched any more. But I was kind of bummed when I found out that in Alex Raymond's originals, Flash wasn't the quarterback for the New York Jets, he was a world-renowned polo player for Yale University. Gaaaaaaaaay. And unlike the guy in the movie, the Flash from the comic strips and the 1930's and 40's serials was kind of a perfect boy scout.
Flash in the 1980 movie, however, is kind of a tool, and that's something I can totally identify with. He gets bonked on the head by a futuristic green football (though that is mostly the fault of Dr. Hans Zarkov) and goes unconscious, dies, he makes out with his archenemy's hot daughter while his girlfriend is reading his mind, he gets tricked by Prince Barin, he gets eaten by a giant green slimy bug thing...he does lots of totally retarded things. But when the chips are down, he pulls through. I do lots of retarded things, but when all is said and done, thanks to Flash Gordon (1980), I hope to also be the kind of guy that pulls through.
Just a man With a man's courage He knows nothing but a man But he can never fail No one but the pure in heart May find the golden grail....
There's a map of the world On the wall in your room Green pins where you wanna go White pins where you been There isn't even ten, You're already feeling old Pretty faces stare back From a magazine stack That you read when You're feeling bored Look through a telescope lens It doesn't make sense You think you've been there before
Some far off feelings Some up close kind of ache Widescreen reason to Look the other way
There's a place by the lake That you go when it's late In the summer when the crowds are gone And you sit all alone with With your thoughts, gettin' stoned Just waitin' for some peace to come
Like the thing that you Tried that you thought you liked For a minute then it all felt wrong So you're changin' again All your clothes, all your friends Just the same as it ever was
That far off feeling That up close kind of ache Some widescreen reason to Look the other way
It's a road that you've paved Over Indian graves and You wonder why your dreams are crazed So you cling to your wife, Your kids, and your life There's nothin' that you're gonna save Put the razor to your face, Hot water for a shave Kill the shadow of yesterday Clean shirt, clean pants, Clean slate second chance You're goin' by another name
Some far off feeling Up close kind of ache That instant karma Always comes too late...
...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead, Will You Smile Again for Me? Worlds Apart (2005)
Close the door and drift away Into a sea of uncertainty Where all your hopes and dreams Have faded out of reach Remember all the bad dreams Are not far from reality Would you write again for me?
Let me whisper something in your ear...
And you awake and there you are Not far off from the line before And just how long did it take for you to understand Where your feelings stopped and writing began Convince yourself to take control Play to the hilt this unlikely role
Remember all the bad dreams Are not far from reality Would you write again for me? And who bade you stop this living art? Have you forgotten just what you are? If you don't want to then you could at least pretend That the paper's your soul and your blood is the pen And maybe then you'd see the light And read the truth that you had to write
If heaven sent you downstream Where banished eyes haven't been Would you smile again for me? You misread your fate line Had long run out ahead of time Would you write again for me?
And you awake and there you are Not far off from the line before And just how long did it take for you to understand Where your feelings stopped and writing began Convince yourself to take control Play to the hilt this unlikely role
If heaven sent you downstream Where banished eyes haven't been Would you smile again for me?
...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead, How Near, How Far Source Tags and Codes (2002)
Looking back in time Through verses set in nursery rhyme At oil painted eyes Of muses left behind I swear I know not why Those eyes have always left me dry She stands with arms stretched out Towards the mountains & the clouds Oil painted eyes Blind yet hypnotized I swear I know not why Those eyes have always left me dry
(How near, how far, how lost they are)
I've rendered every line Every contour of a muse's eye Painted in my eye's mind On canvases of time I swear I know not why Those eyes have always left me dry....
...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead, Isis Unveiled The Century of Self (2009)
I have made you in my likeness And I will make you a keeper of my garden world And if you honor me in kind, I will be grateful, but be warned For I'm a jealous God Who placed the demons in hell And the angels in heaven At my side
Set me free, I'll grant your hearts desire And I will share the secrets of the grand design Give me daughters, send me sons I'll make them all chosen ones I will send them out to die To meet the angels of death With no tears, no regrets I was cast down from the heights My blood must pay for the debt That was made when they left Because of me
And if they taste the blood we'll let them drink And if they taste the flesh we'll let them eat And if one has to be forgiven then we'll pardon all of them And if they raze our walls we'll let them in And if they raise their swords we'll let them hit And if one has to be forgiven then we'll pardon all of them
Let me lead you to the garden world I will place you at the right of my father's hand While I was tempted in the wild I crossed from start til end of time And I emerged the lamb Who's blood must pay for the debt That was made when they left As I ascend into the sky I'll free the angel from hell And place them in heaven At my side
So I went and saw Trail of Dead last Monday night. I started listening to them six or seven years ago, and then I saw them open for Queens of the Stone Age and they blew me away. I've been waiting to see them again ever since. They were supposed to come last March, but their tour bus was hit by a truck in Laramie, Wyoming and they had to cancel. I was bummed, but they made it back.
I can't even count how many concerts I have been to, but I have to say, this one was the best overall experience I've ever had at a live show. There couldn't have been more than a hundred people at the venue (which I don't understand), but it was so high energy. Before their set, co-lead singer and songwriter, album cover artist, and genius comic book geek Conrad Keely was milling around and let me get a picture with him. I look like a totally starstruck douche, mostly because I was a totally starstruck douche:
In small clubs (this was at Urban Lounge, which I used to hate until the indoor smoking ban went into effect, and now it's not so bad) I like to get up close to the stage, and since it was basically just me and 99 other people, I had a pretty good spot. During Isis Unveiled, Jason Reece got up to sing his part, and I guess he saw me singing along--although the term "singing" is used very loosely here--and so he turned the microphone around to me and I got to sing (or shout or scream or whatever it was I was doing) this part:
And if they taste the blood we'll let them drink And if they taste the flesh we'll let them eat And if one has to be forgiven then we'll pardon all of them And if they raze our walls we'll let them in And if they raise their swords we'll let them hit And if one has to be forgiven then we'll pardon all of them
It was cool because that's my favorite part of the song. While that is probably as close to being a rock star, or even being in a band, as I will ever be, it was fun. Later on, Jason Reece jumped down into the audience and eventually wound up at the back of the club singing most of one song on the bar:
It was pretty crazy.
Anyway, I know I wrote about them before, and that probably didn't make you start listening to them and this probably won't either.
1. What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: our life is the creation of our mind. If a man speaks or acts with an impure mind, suffering follows him as the wheel of the cart follows the beast that draws the cart.
2. What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: our life is the creation of our mind. If a man speaks or acts with a pure mind, joy follows him as his own shadow.
3. "He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me." Those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate.
4. "He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me." Those who think not such thoughts will be free from hate.
5. For hate is not conquered by hate: hate is conquered by love. This is a law eternal.
6. Many do not know that we are here in this world to live in harmony. Those who know this do not fight against each other.
7. He who lives only for pleasures, and whose soul is not in harmony, who considers not the food he eats, is idle and has not the power of virtue--such a man is moved by mara, is moved by selfish temptations, even as a weak tree is shaken by the wind.
8. But he who lives not for pleasures, and whose soul is in self-harmony, who eats or fasts with moderation, and has faith and the power of virtue--this man is not moved by temptations, as a great rock is not shaken by the wind.
9. If a man puts on the pure yellow robe with a soul which is impure, without self-harmony and truth, he is not worthy of the holy robe.
10. But he who is pure from sin and whose soul is strong in virtue, who has self-harmony and truth, he is worth of the holy robe.
11. Those who think the unreal is, and think the Real is not, they shall never reach the Truth, lost in the path of wrong thought.
12. But those who know the Real is, and know the unreal is not, they shall indeed reach the Truth, safe on the path of right thought.
13. Even as rain breaks through an ill-thatched house, passions will break through an ill-guarded mind.
14. But even as rain breaks not through a well-thatched house, passions break not through a well guarded mind.
15. He suffers in this world, and he suffers in the next world: the man who does evil suffers in both worlds. He suffers, he suffers and mourns when he sees the wrong he has done.
16. He is happy in this world and he is happy in the next world: the man who does good is happy in both worlds. he is glad, he feels great gladness when he sees the good he has done.
17. He sorrows in this world, and he sorrows in the next world: the man who does evil sorrows in both worlds. "I have done evil," thus he laments, and more he laments the path of sorrow.
18. He rejoices in this world, and he rejoices in the next world: the man who does good rejoices in both worlds. "I have done good," thus he rejoices, and more he rejoices on the path of joy.
19. If a man speaks many holy words but he speaks and does not, this thoughtless man cannot enjoy the life of holiness: he is like a cowherd who counts the cows of his master.
20. Whereas if a man speaks but a few holy words and yet he lives the life of those words, free from passion and hate and illusion--with right vision and a mind free, craving for nothing both now and hereafter--the life of this man is a life of holiness.
Donavon Frankenreiter, Mansions On The Sand Pass It Around (2008)
Last week I went to Arizona for a seminar. It reminded me of being in school again. Like, learning stuff, and having to be at a certain place at a certain time in order to learn stuff. I do not miss school at all. But if the certain place you have to be is Arizona, it's not so bad. I've been there a couple times before, but not for this long. I was still pretty rushed and didn't have nearly the free time I would have liked (see? just like school), but still, it was beautiful.
Here are some pictures. This one is of my hotel:
When I checked out, I noticed there was a mandatory $12 charge on my bill listed as a "bellhop gratuity." I wouldn't have thought twice about it, if I hadn't had to lug my bags in and out by myself.
This was a nice little pond right outside my room and around the corner:
As you might expect, there were neat little cacti all over the place. Like this little guy:
This might be my favorite shot:
I like this one, too:
The first morning I was there, I went jogging on this little 2.5 mile trail and saw all kinds of cool animals and birds. There were four cute little jackrabbits, and I imagined they spoke in cute little British accents like the rabbits from Watership Down. Then I remembered I was in Arizona, and they probably spoke Pee Chee.
I didn't have my camera with me because I was running, so I went back out early the next morning to see if I could find them, but no luck. I did see this little bugger again, though, so I snapped a quick shot:
At first I thought it was just a small black duck with a white bill, but I learned this is actually a "coot." It was a cool looking little fella. In addition to the rabbits and coots, there were lots of regular ducks and a few storks and a lot of little lizards. Here's some ducks and a stork (no photos of lizards...I tried, but those suckers are fast):
I went out one evening as the sun was going down and got this picture:
It was prettier in real life. I was a loner down there, so I had to take my own picture:
As you can see, I am wearing a Tool t-shirt, which is what I wear about 75% of the time. But anyway, because I'm a Tool psycho, I went to Jerome, which is where Maynard lives:
It was a cool old mining town. I talked to a lady who lived there, and she kind of told me the town's history. It was at one point one of the largest cities in the west, and was a pretty raucous town full of swarthy copper miners and stuff. Now it's apparently a haven for Hell's Angels, because they were all over the place. It's a lot like a mini-Park City, only far less pretentious and snobby. Cool place.
And even though I didn't run into Maynard, I did go into his little shop, called "Puscifer," just like his side project/clothing line. The store just had a bunch of overpriced band merchandise and stuff (not Tool stuff, which I probably would have bought, but Puscifer and A Perfect Circle stuff). I was really hoping to go in and see him just sitting there behind the counter. But no such luck. Just a store. It was kind of funny to see it listed on this sign, though:
But I guess it wasn't too out of place with such counter culture bastions as the "Jerome Tattoo Co.," "Puffin Stuff Adult Boutique," and "Catholic Church."
He's also got a vineyard somewhere around there, and a winery where you can go in and buy some very, very, very expensive wine. I passed, because I had a long drive back. And I'm poor. And you get more bang for your buck with bottom shelf vodka. But mostly the long drive back.
But as a Tool nerd, it was cool to at least go there.
So that was my trip to Arizona. I left out the part about the 3 1/2 hours I got stuck in a traffic jam on the way back from Jerome, because I want to blot that out of my memory forever.
This week a couple of albums came out that I've been looking forward to. Probably the biggest one was Pearl Jam's new one, Backspacer (mini review: it's pretty good), but I'll write more about that after I see them next Monday.
The other one is Daisy by Brand New. With a few exceptions I've failed at recruiting people who I like who like cool music to Brand New, largely I think because of the band's...um...legacy. It is what it is, I guess, but their last CD, The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me, is a personal favorite (side note: I cried myself to sleep last night because Kelly told me she hated the song "Jesus," that's just how emo I am).
Anyway, I've given Daisy a few spins now, and it's really, really, really interesting. It's got very little in common with Devil and God, but I still like it. It reminds me a lot of Nirvana's In Utero--there's stuff there for the ones that want to hear it, but there's also a lot that that seems to be a deliberate "Fuck Off" to people that want a certain kind of music.
I haven't quite wrapped my head entirely around the whole thing, but I did want to point out that in addition to thinking the album evoked some Nirvana vibes (or maybe more particularly, Nirvana covering Meat Puppets vibes), I thought it sounded a lot like Archers of Loaf in some places. Then I found this quote from the lead singer, Jesse Lacey:
I think for a lot of this record we were listening to stuff that we listened to when we were younger. We were listening to Superchunk, Archers Of Loaf, Polvo, Modest Mouse, and even a lot of hardcore bands that we listened to when we were younger, like Fugazi.
Bingo. Modest Mouse I totally get, especially on the song "At the Bottom" that's been getting some airplay. But the Archers of Loaf stuff is there, too, even if it is a little more subtle. Listen to "Noro," clipped up above, and then "Dead Read Eyes" by Archers of Loaf. Listen closely, maybe even with headphones...it's almost the same song, isn't it? I mean, not totally...but almost?
Archers of Loaf, Dead Red Eyes White Trash Heroes (1998)
Do you hear it, or is just me?
And don't get me wrong, I'm not ripping Brand New for cribbing Archers of Loaf. I mean, as far as influences go, that ain't bad.
Earlier this week I had to go to Oregon to depose a urologist all about an old man's prostate. Among other horrifying truths having to do with weiners and cancer, I learned more than I ever wanted to know about a procedure called a trans-urethral needle ablation ("TUNA" for short). Anyway, during this TUNA procedure, they--get this--stick a tube up your pee hole. Then at the end of the tube this bunch of needles comes out right where your prostate is. Then all the needles jab into your prostate and emit interstitial radiofrequency waves that literally fry certain areas of tissue to make it go necrotic, thereby decreasing the size of the prostate.
When I was a little kid my grandparents used to take us to the Oregon Coast every summer. I haven't been back there for years. I was much further north this time than where we used to go, but it brought back a lot of memories nonetheless. My hotel was right on the beach and I could see that sign and statute in that photo up top (which I stole) from my patio. Here are some more views from my patio (these are pictures I actually took myself):
As you can see, my photo includes Old Glory, because love it or leave it. It also includes the Pacific Ocean. It was so cool there...you could taste salt in the air.
That is a panoramic shot that includes a swingset that I did not have occasion to utilize.
More of the promenade thingy.
I walked out on the beach and had two interesting experiences. First, I saw this:
I wish there were something else in this picture to demonstrate the scale of how big it was. The hole was approximately the size of an old Volkswagen Beetle. So it was pretty big. And you know what my first thought was? That's right. It was "Crap. I wish I had my Joes, because that would be a bad ass place to play."
Note to self: Start packing a few Joes when you go out of town.
Then I started walking and thinking about various times from my life, and it all started playing out like scenes from a low budget television show. For each scene I could picture two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me, and the other to the the Omnipotent Supernatural Being Of Your Choice ("OSBOYC" for short).
When the last scene of my life flashed before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that many times along the path of my life there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life.
This really bothered me and I questioned OSBOYC about it:
"OSBOYC, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
OSBOYC replied:
"Oh my precious, precious child; that is when I flew off to poo on your car."
Ha-ha I bet you didn't see that coming.
The coolest part of the trip was that Seaside, Oregon is 18 miles south of Astoria, Oregon, which, unless you're a complete fucking retard, you know is the home of The Goonies.
Remember that opening scene from The Goonies where the Fratelli mom and Joey Pantoliano bust that other Fratelli brother out of jail? If not, maybe this will refresh your memory:
See that jail? Well guess where I was on Tuesday? Yep:
Obviously, it's been repainted, but that's the same jail. Except look at the upper right hand window--what the hell happened there? That must have been the torture cell, because it looks like there is blood all over or something. Horrifying. But anyway, I can prove that is the same jail from The Goonies because of the sign on the door:
In case you can't read this picture, the sign says:
The old Clatsop County Jail saw 62 years of service and was the longest used, free-standing jail in Oregon. It is listed on the National Register of Historic Places.
It was built in 1914 and closed as a jail in 1976 when the county opened a larger, modern jail. The building is now used for offices and storage.
This jail was featured in the movies "The Goonies" in 1984, "Short Circuit" in 1985 and "Come See The Paradise" in 1989.
Cool, huh?
That's really the only memorable Goonies location I was able to track down, but right across the street is the museum where Mikey and Brand's dad was the curator. You see Mikey ride his bike by it and wave at his dad. It's not the coolest part of the movie I guess, but I still think it's neat that I was on the street where Mikey rode his bike to start off his quest for One Eyed Willey's treasure:
And so this post ends where it began...talking about one eyed willies.
Some time ago, I wrote a post on the Afghan Whigs' album Gentlemen, which is one of my all time favorites. It was a pretty weak attempt at explaining how awesome that album is. Needless to say, I was pretty stoked when I was browsing through Amazon and found this:
It's a short little book (100 pages or so) in a series of short little books, this one all about the band and the making of Gentlemen, and it does a much better job of explaining why the album is a classic than I did. It contains interviews with the members of the band, brief biographies of all four, and is full of behind the scenes accounts like this from the recording session:
[Greg] Dulli wasn't demanding perfection; he was after raw emotion. Conflicted, lacerated, claustrophobic, naked real, out of control--exactly the sensations Dulli was feeling--is how Gentlemen sounds. There isn't a fake or false move on the album. And one particularly productive evening guaranteed than an honest, on-edge vibe would be forever preserved for all to hear.
Even for the most focused bands, twelve-hour days in the studio tend to stifle creativity. To loosen up, the Whigs took a trip to a Mississippi casino and paid multiple visits to area bars. But Dulli's twenty-eighth birthday called for a more festive celebration. The band rented a limo and headed out for a deserved evening of debauchery. [Producer Jeff] Powell begged off as the Whigs familiarized themselves with the area's finest strip joints. Before the night was over, Dulli had taken an interest in one of the ladies.
Like any red-blooded man looking to impress a beautiful girl, Dulli decided to try what for mere mortals is impossible. Loaded up on cocaine and out of his tree, he ripped off six songs--including the final vocal takes of "Fountain and Fairfax," "When We Two Parted," "Gentlemen," "What Jail Is Like," and "Debonair"--in one evening, all while the stripper sat in the studio. It's one thing to sing six songs in a row; it's another to do it while flying on coke. Dulli may not always be in tune, but there's no denying the authenticity of what he's feeling.
"He was just on," recalls Powell. "It was just coming out of him. He'd come in and listen and say, 'I can't beat that. That's awesome. Next!'"
And yes, Dulli slyly notes that the ploy worked. Anything for love....
The book even provides a never-known-to-me account of drummer Steve Earle's departure at the conclusion of the supporting tour:
"It was dumb," charges [bassist John] Curley, who says the band was worth a little more than $20K when Earle split and demanded an accountant. "Because we all would have made some money off of [the final show]. But I guess that speaks to how he felt about things."
Dulli is less understanding. He views Earle's bombshell as the most selfish maliciousness possible. "He was trying to hurt us. I'm sure there was one drunken night where we were all-for-one and one-for-all, if one guy leaves we break up the band. If that one guy was John, Rick, or me, we would've broken up. But we weren't going to let fucking ding-dong take us out. As soon as he quit, it fucked us. We had $12K sitting on the table. And $3K of that was his. At that point, I was like, 'Fuck you dude. Fuck you. And fuck you forever. You're dead to me.'"
Maybe the best part of the book, however, is the song-by-song examination. It's too long to quote everything, but the author is spot on for every song. Here are a couple, starting with "Fountain and Fairfax":
With Dulli slashing open guitar strings to sound an alarm, and Earle pouncing on a jumpy Bo Diddley beat, the irresistibly catchy "Fountain and Fairfax" announces itself as a walk-on-water anthem. Barrelhouse pianos and sitar-like slide-guitar lines ratchet up the bomp-de-bomp action, and the turbulence escalates all the while threatening to explode. Jittery chords, boogie-woogie rhythms, and battered piano keys crissscross and zigzag but never get tangled. Halfway in, a cello is thrown into the bonfire, and the tune becomes a conflagration of blustery R&B, New Orleans soul, overamplified blues, resplendent chamber music, and blaring rock. It has no choice but to burn out at the end.
His throat raw, larynx shredded, and pitch off-key, Dulli's primal vocal effort feeds the maelstrom. Meters are pushed into the red. Between 1:49 and 1:53, the singer wails "Let it dry up" with the rough desperation of somebody who's just been stabbed and is determined to scream bloody murder before collapsing in a heap. It sounds as if he's gurgling blood as he ejects the last few syllables from his mouth. Sonic fingerprints of Dulli's cocaine binge are smeared everywhere....High on stimulants, he howls with retribution and rubs stink in the noses of his adversaries. Tempers boil with ridicule and mockery. By the time he's said his piece, he's spent.
Up until now, everything on Gentlemen is told through a male perspective--albeit one that's aware that the dysfunctional culpability, fault, and compulsion are shared. "My Curse" ends the monopoly. Sung by Marcy Mays, who gives the performance of her lifetime, the steamy canzone is an emasculator that erases any vestige of testosterone-ridden superiority or chauvinistic spite. While Dulli never once leans on self-pity as a crutch...his handing off to Mays of the most naked psychological expose on the record drastically changes the point of view and opens up the dialogue, making it irresponsible and impossible to simplemindedly interpret the record as a misogynist take on sexual and social politics.
Dulli explains the strategy. "I like that it came out of nowhere. I sing song 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. Who's this? To me, it tilts the perspective. It gives a voice to the woman. In my way, I was trying to concede that she had a voice all along and that I never listened to her. It goes a long way in describing my relationship with [my old girlfriend]. Through the ups and downs that we had, ultimately relationships are built on friendships and we were very good friends. And we still are."
As Dulli's persona indirectly and directly acknowledges in preceding songs, Mays's words concede that the male's capitulation is tethered to an unhealthy codependence spurred on by her own sadomasochistic desires and culpable temptations. In him, she recognizes herself: "You look like me / And I look like no one else / We need no other / As long as we have ourselves." For good or bad, the revelation damns both partners to each other. What has transpired annot be scrubbed out, erased, or forgotten. Sex is both an outlet for the purging of guilt and the creating, sharing, and prolonging of pain. Love and pleasure are synonymous with blood, scourge, and hurt. Friends until the end.
Anyway, if you haven't picked up this album yet, you need to or you have no business reading any of my shit ever or having anything to do with me, really. And once you've got the album, buy this little book (or borrow it from me) because it makes a great album even better.
I saw the G.I. Joe movie on Friday. Notwithstanding my bitching and my unfounded fears, I totally blew a geek fanboy wad all over the screen. I loved it. My only major quibble was the casting of Channing Tatum as Duke. Duke, as my readers will know, is a faggot boy scout do gooder, and Channing Tatum is a B-Boy wigger.
If they were going to divert from the faggot boy scout do gooder character, then they should have done what they did in this video and cast Henry Rollins as Duke. Watch, and I think you'll agree, it is a fine performance (also watch out for Billy Crudup, who has moved on from Dr. Manhatten to give a moving portrayal of Zartan):
Also, on Saturday, I rode 111 miles on my bike. It took eight hours, but it was a lot of fun. My taint is still sore. That's TMI, I know, but it does. Here is a picture of me, although I am a bit upset that I wasn't wearing a big ass gold chain, because I think that would have looked pretty good:
Here is another picture of my butt:
And this doesn't have anything to do with G.I. Joe or my bike ride, but I also got to see Sonic Youth for free a couple of weeks ago and I never got around to blogging about it. But it was pretty good. I really like this song of theirs from their latest album. Please listen to it and tell me what you think:
Sonic Youth, Massage The History The Eternal (2009)
A good 84% of my mental function is exclusively devoted to toys,* and lately, that's been mostly G.I. Joe toys. But today I saw something that kind of freaked me out, because it is EXACTLY like my imagination, only I'm really watching it.
I am freaked out by how surreal it was to watch what I never thought I would ever get to really see. The best part, dear readers, is that you too can now step inside the eye of my mind and see what I see, how I see it:
“The answer is never the answer. What's really interesting is the mystery. If you seek the mystery instead of the answer, you'll always be seeking. I've never seen anybody really find the answer -- they think they have, so they stop thinking. But the job is to seek mystery, evoke mystery, plant a garden in which strange plants grow and mysteries bloom. The need for mystery is greater than the need for an answer.”
--Ken Kesey
SALT LAKE CITY, UT - In response to BYU quarterback Max Hall's recent statements, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has adopted an amendment to its Thirteenth Article of Faith. The revised declaration now reads, in pertinent part, "We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men except those affiliated with the University of Utah, its football team, or fans thereof."
