Doppleganger Sassafrass Lavatory

Ryan's Book Review: The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ

2012-01-07T06:00:00.006-07:00

The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ by Philip Pullman

Cat Power, Lord, Help the Poor and Needy

Jukebox (2008)

Synopsis: Pullman's retelling of the New Testament stories of Jesus casts him in a humanist light.

Review: I was unaware of this little book until I saw that Kelly had downloaded it for her Kindle. It made me curious so I started reading it on the airplane and it was pretty good. It gets a little boring in some parts if you're familiar with the depictions of Jesus's life from the Four Gospels; because it is a retelling so much of what has been told is just...um...retold. It's all worth it by the time you get to Jesus's lamentations in Gethsemane, however.

The whole book is fairly clever if not original. Pullman's version of the Jesus Christ story does not purport to be any sort of newly discovered account, and certainly makes no claim of divine revelation. It's simply a story, one where Mary conceived twins, one named Jesus and the other named Christ. Jesus was a virtuous rabble rouser, Christ a more conscientious and complicated scribe charged with the duty of writing down Jesus's doings. Christ is convinced that he ought to embellish the details a bit for the sake of future generations, and to ensure that the words and deeds of his brother not be diluted by mere mortal history. There's a fair amount of play going on with the archetypes--particularly Christ as Judas--which adds a new dimension to the theme of whether we're made in God's image or we've made him in ours that I've been hung up on for years. And like the Jefferson Bible, this book not only shows how easy it is to find virtue in Jesus's teachings without necessarily subscribing to the notion of his divinity, but also makes the case that there may be more virtue in the humanism of those teachings than in the versions concocted by superstitious and/or megalomaniacal religionists.

There's another interesting angle in there that, reading as a Mormon, kind of resonated with me. There's an "angel" who works with the brother Christ to instill a sense of purpose about the creation of Jesus's mythology. Coming from a Mormon background, it was interesting (disturbing?) to see the similarities between the angel's justifications for embellishing and whitewashing certain facts and arguments in favor of LDS correlation. And Boyd K. Packer's infamous "There is a temptation for the writer or the teacher of Church history to want to tell everything, whether it is worthy or faith promoting or not. Some things that are true are not very useful" quote might as well be words right out of the angel's mouth.

Whether a believer or not or somewhere in between, it's a worthwhile read.

Orlando 2012

2012-01-06T16:41:00.002-07:00

Jarvis Cocker, Black Magic

Jarvis (2006)

Last week we took off for Orlando, Florida to visit Harry Potter Land and Disney World. The Hogwarts ride (a.k.a. Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey or something like that) was super cool and Hogwarts was also super cool, as you can see by this picture.

There was also a Dragon Challenge roller coaster, which is one of those roller coasters where your feet hang off. In the line for that is the car from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Here are my family members standing next to said car.

Here is a picture of all of us in front of Hogwarts. Some dudes from Ravenclaw took it for us. Ravenclaw is kind of a lame house, of course, but it was really nice of them to take this picture.

Seriously though, it was really amazing. Harry Potter Land is in Universal Islands of Adventure, which is a whole separate theme park from Universal Studios, but both were way cooler than I even expected. In addition to Harry Potter, there was a whole Marvel Comics "Island" with a neat Spider Man ride. There was also a Jurassic Park land that was really cool with lots of dinosaur stuff, and it had an amazing boat ride that I would have enjoyed more if I weren't so worried about my camera getting wet. I liked Islands of Adventure a lot. Universal Studios was really cool, too. There was a really good roller coaster called the Rip Ride Rocket or something that literally made me cry. And The Simpsons ride was hilarious.

Disney World blew my mind with how big it was. It's essentially four almost-Disneyland sized parks, all separate from one another. The first land we went to was Animal Kingdom where they had more dinosaurs. I found a Hidden Mickey on this one, which is the first and only Hidden Mickey I've ever found.

Here is the big tree in the middle of Animal Kingdom with the whole family out front. That's a really big tree. There is a cool ride in Animal Kingdom called Everest where you go backwards on a roller coaster. The line to that ride was really good. Maybe it is because I am becoming an old geezer, but I almost enjoy the lines as much as I do the rides (speaking of lines, the Harry Potter lines were incredible) but it was a really, really good roller coaster--probably Disney's best, if you ask me.

Animal Kingdom also had this cool safari ride with lots of real animals. Here is a big elephant with what must be a very short, very skinny elephant standing behind it--er, um, wait. I guess that is a boy elephant. How's it hanging, Elephanty?

Honestly, I didn't notice that until I uploaded this picture.

The next day was Hollywood Studios, which was my favorite land and my favorite day. I knew that they had updated the Star Tours ride since our last trip to Disneyland (finally) so I was really excited to ride it. We turned the corner toward the ride and I saw that the Disney World Star Tours exterior is way cooler than the Disneyland one. As you can see, there's a gigantic AT-AT and Ewok Village. That was so cool. Then the ride itself is awesome. It's 3-D and changes every time you ride it.

But the best part was, it started up, and then Darth Vader zoomed in and said, "I know you're hiding a Rebel Spy" or something like that, and this picture popped up on the screen and I was like, "What...who...wait a second...THAT'S ME!" There was a picture of ME and I WAS THE REBEL SPY, which about gave me an aneurysm of joy. And then we took off and went into hyperspace and went to Tatooine and got in a podrace and then a hologram of Princess Leia came on and talked about how important it was that the Rebel Spy (i.e., me) be safely delivered. That was the best day ever. I rode it six times, including the very last ride of the day, and on that very last ride, I WAS THE REBEL SPY AGAIN.

Here is Zack in an R2-D2 hat.

They don't have an Indiana Jones ride, but they do have an Indiana Jones Stunt Spectacular, and Zack and Lily had read about it and wanted me to volunteer to be Indiana Jones. There were over 2000 people in the audience, but I stood up and waved anyway, and sure enough, I got picked. But I didn't get to be Indiana Jones, since he was a highly trained stunt man that did many flips and a lot of rope climbing. Instead I got to be a camel jockey (unless that is racist, in which case I was simply a Cairo Citizen).

Here you can see me in my authentic camel jockey/Cairo Citizen wardrobe. That was fun and exciting, although Zack was disappointed that I didn't get to be Indiana Jones.

Like I said, I kept making everyone go back to Star Tours, and one of the times Kelly and I reenacted the entire Endor Speeder Bike sequence from Return of the Jedi.

Here is me on Star Tours for probably the third or fourth time. I effing loved that ride.

This picture isn't from our vacation, but I accidentally uploaded it and it is super cute so I am leaving it.

Speaking of super cute, here is Kelly at the Magic Kingdom, which is the Disneylandiest of the Disney World lands. Specifically, this is Kelly on the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse, which for some reason she used to like at Disneyland. The one at Disneyland has been turned into Tarzan's Treehouse, and it's kind of neat, but she missed. the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse. I thought it was kind of meh at first, but if she likes it enough to make this adorable expression, then I guess I like it too.

This is the whole clan at the Pirates of the Caribbean. The line for this is way cooler in Disney World than in Disneyland, although it cuts out a lot of the actual ride. Lily is a big Pirates fan, so it was neat for her to go on this one. She also liked the Haunted Mansion ride, which is quite a bit better in Disney World than in Disneyland.

All in all, it was a really, really fun trip. I am so glad we went. I think I will always like Disneyland the best, but Universal made me a fan of its parks, and the experience of Disney World was totally awesome.

Especially Star Tours. Which I rode six times. And was the Rebel Spy twice.

Ryan's Year End Cavalcade of Whimsy

2011-12-29T20:41:00.002-07:00

Cobra Verde, Play With Fire

Copycat Killers (2005)

Just a few things to wrap up the year:

1. Thanks to my mom, I went and saw the Axl Rose Band a.k.a. Guns N' Roses 2.0 a couple of weeks ago. It was super awesome (way, way better than in the video to which I linked, which isn't even that bad--okay, Axl sounds like shit in that video, but he sounded great when I saw him; not vintage Axl, but still great). I'm more or less of an original line up purist, mostly because of my affection for Duff and Slash, but after reading about the guys in the new version of the band, I have to say, it's pretty legit. They're not just a bunch of session guys, they're all rather accomplished journeymen with lengthy stints in respectable bands like the Replacements and Psychedelic Furs/Love Spit Love. But it was really, really good and I had a great seat.

Speaking of Axl Rose, you should check out this website.

2. Totally bummed that Christopher Hitchens died. Love his writing. Love his voice.

3. We're going to Disney World and Harry Potter Land (Universal Studios) next week. I'm excited.

4. Maybe I will do a year end review of favorite albums, but probably I won't. I never finished last year's list, and to be frank, nothing new really knocked my socks off this year. Instead I spent most of my music energy scrounging up older gems. The best discovery I made this year is John Frusciante's The Empyrean (released in 2009). Fucking incredible, phenomenal album, and in my top ten of all time.

Marvel Universe

2011-11-26T20:59:00.003-07:00

Mogwai, Superheroes of BMX

Government Commissions: BBC Sessions 1996-2003 (2005)

I got this cool custom playset thing that is practically the size of a city for 1:18 action figures. It will be popping up a lot in my action figure posts, I'm sure. But to break it in I busted out some of my Marvel Universe guys. I saw these guys all the time when I was out hunting for Star Wars and GI Joe guys, and I finally broke down and started getting a few. My collection is far from complete (biggest hole in my collection: Galactus, who I could've got for $20 once but, stupidly, passed), but I've got most of the guys I'm interested in. Anyhoo, take a look.

First off, this is Apocalypse, and he is my favorite Marvel guy, and is easily in my top ten of all the figures I have. He's just really cool. He fights the X-Men.

These aren't really Marvel Universe guys; they're guys from the Captain America movie, but close enough. I've got another one of those Hydra Agents somewhere still in the package but I can't find it. They came out in comic color variants (bright green and yellow) and I got one, but I had to trade it away for a Flame On Human Torch, which you will see below.

Here's some big bad guys. You've already seen Apocalypse. The other guy behind him is a Destroyer; he's from the Thor movie. He has a little button on his chest and when you push it he lights up. And then up close is Thanos. He is cool because you can take one of his hands off and replace it with the Infinity Gauntlet.

Here's Daredevil and Bullseye, hanging out on some stairs. The Daredevil movie sucked, didn't it?

Speaking of sucky movies, here are the Fantastic Four. I have always thought these guys were super lame, but I read a couple of TPBs and kind of got to like them, even though they are super lame. Johnny Storm a.k.a. Human Torch gets killed (he just barely came back) and gets replaced by...wait for it...it's Marvel, so you know it's either Wolverine or Spider Man...Spider Man. They ditch the blue suits and get these white suits and change their name to the Future Foundation. I've got the Future Foundation variants of Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Girl, and Thing, but I will not display them until they make a Future Foundation Spider Man.

Here's the aforementioned "Flame On" Human Torch. They made a Flame Off version, but it looked like shit and didn't match the other three. I'd seen this variant three or four times but figured they'd never get around to making an Invisible Girl, so I never bought it. Then when they put out a set with all three, I had to chase down the Flame On version and, like I said, trade away a comic variant Hydra Soldier. Totally worth it, though.

Here's the X-Men, which is what got me in trouble with this line in the first place. I saw the Wolverine on clearance and got it for like two bucks. I told myself I would just snag a couple of guys and round out the X-Men, and then be done. But the Cyclops only came in a two-pack with Hulk, and since I had Hulk, I figured I might as well round out the Avengers, and then it just kind of snowballed from there. I think that Archangel is kind of tough to find. And I want to upgrade both my Cyclops and my Jean Grey, which is convenient because they are in a two-pack that I saw at Toys R Us not too long ago (with my luck, they'll be all gone by now). I waaaaay overpaid for my Colossus and Kitty figures, by the way. When I was looking for them, they were nowhere to be found, then after I paid a premium for them off of eBay, I started seeing them all over the place. That kind of shit happens to me all the time.

Here's the Avengers. I deliberately tried to keep them kind of old school; there are much more updated versions of Thor and Iron Man, but I like them hokey. I need to get a much hokier version of Captain America, which shouldn't be too hard. Fucking Wasp and Ant Man, by the way. I had to buy figures I didn't really want just to get those little suckers, so I hope you appreciate them.

See Dr. Strange back there? Not technially an Avenger (no, I'm not counting the New Avengers), but woo~ ooh~oooooooh~oooooohhh...straaaaaaaange.

Here's Ghost Rider. I don't know what the crap I'm supposed to do with him. They're never going to make any of his bad guys. That motorcycle isn't a real accessory, by the way, but I bought a bunch of them to go with my Dreadnoks for my GI Joe collection and loaned one to Ghost Rider for this photo shoot. I actually bought this figure just so I could use the head in one of my GI Joe photonovels (see it here--and yes, that's Red Skull's head, too. Now you've killed the magic). I also bought Silver Surfer to use in a scene where I was going to have Baroness walk in on Destro naked (see, his body's totally silver...get it? But Destro's head doesn't fit on the Silver Surfer body. Sorry.) but I lost his surfboard and don't want to display him without Galactus anyway.

You know this guy, it's Magneto. Not too keen on the weird spooky face paint job, but whatever. He came out in more traditional colors, but was in a two pack with black costume Spider Man, and I knew that if I ever got that, I'd just wind up collecting Spider Man guys, too, and really, I don't need that (I came really, really close to doing just that today; I had Rhino and Venom in my cart but better sense prevailed and I put 'em back because I know I'll never find the Electro now that I need him, even though I used to see all the damn time).

Here's a couple of Magneto's minions from the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, Juggernaut and Mystique. My Mystique has kind of a lousy paint job, but I was lucky just to find her; she was kind of tough to get (female figures with humongous boobs are a hit with nerds...go figure). Alex, if you're reading this and want me to open up your SDCC Sentinel and display it with these guys, I totally will. Just say the word. Those are Skrulls standing back there behind Juggernaut.

Finally, here's Dr. Doom. He's one of the guys I had to buy to get Wasp. That bald guy behind him is Absorbing Man; he may have actually been the other guy I had to buy--I honestly can't remember but once I can get a 1:18 Loki I'll be glad I have him. I guess I'm glad I have Dr. Doom, but they released him in cooler colors recently and I kind of wish I had that version instead.

Classic Rock

2011-11-17T21:02:00.000-07:00

I read this article about how 90's bands shouldn't be played on classic rock stations and I totally disagree.

Here's why:

Little Volcano

2011-11-05T22:02:00.000-06:00

The Dead Milkmen, Little Volcano

Not Richard, But Dick (1993)

I shot this episode several months ago and have been keeping it in the can. It's not very good at all, and using Bazooka to channel my personal existential crises is downright ham-fisted, but at least it finally introduces a critical character in the development of the story.

Conditions of My Parole

2011-10-26T21:38:00.000-06:00

Puscifer, Conditions of My Parole

Conditions of My Parole (2011)

Ryan's Book Review: It's So Easy (and Other Lies)

2011-10-21T22:18:00.006-06:00

It's So Easy (and Other Lies) by Duff McKagan

Guns N' Roses, Patience

GN'R Lies (1988)

Synopsis: Guns N' Roses bassist tells his side of the story and then some.

Review: This is the best rocker memoir I have ever read. Duff is so freaking cool. He covers all of the sex, drugs, and rock n' roll stuff, but he's a way better writer than most of the dudes that put books like this together (as my pal/hero Sonny Rock pointed out to me, Duff also writes a weekly column for ESPN.com). If you're going to read one rocker book, this one should be it.

Duff describes his childhood and growing up in Seattle and playing in a bunch of punk rock bands but eventually deciding to move to L.A. to try and make it there. For his first few weeks he lived out of his car and then answered an ad from a guy named Slash to play bass in a band. At the time, Duff had short spiky blue hair and was a punk rocker but then he morphed into a hard rocker as Guns N' Roses got going. I knew a lot of the behind the scenes stuff from reading old articles and of course from Slash's book, but Duff is way better at telling the stories. And I actually learned a lot of new stuff. For instance, I didn't know that it was Duff who counts off to start Patience. And Duff sat next to Kurt Cobain on the flight from L.A. to Seattle that Kurt took to go kill himself. And Duff Beer on the Simpsons is actually named after Duff. So there is new stuff, plus all the stories you'd expect, but those aren't even the best part of the book.

The best parts of the book are where Duff details how he got hooked on booze and cocaine, but then got away from it by getting into reading, mountain biking and martial arts. Once he sobered up, he got around to looking at some GN'R financial statements and realized that he didn't know what they meant, so to make sure he wasn't getting screwed he went back to college to study business and finance. He figured out all the GN'R stuff, learned to invest (he was an early investor in Amazon.com and Starbucks because they were Seattle companies), and eventually started up his own financial advisement firm for other rock stars.

But the best part is the part about how he met his current wife and had two kids and just how much he loves his family and how that gave him everything he was looking for with the rock and the booze and everything. It's not just a really good rocker autobiography, it's a really good book.

One drawback is that the book doesn't go into any detail about Duff's recent, albeit brief, stint in Jane's Addiction. I have a Guitar Center Session DVR'd with him in the band, and I guess he contributed to some of the new album (which, incidentally, is apparently shittastic), but I knew he was only with them for about six months. The liner notes mention him being in the band, but the book doesn't talk about it at all. I would have liked to have known a little bit about how that went, and whether Perry Farrell is a bigger douchebag than Axl (I probably would have been disappointed on that front; Duff is extraordinarily gracious to all of his former bandmates, although he is candid about dick moves made by Axl and Weiland). Maybe that will be in the paperback version, because I'd love Duff's take on the abortion that Jane's Addiction has become.

Anyways, I love Duff. He is really cool and really smart and really funny. I am pretty sure that if you read this book (and you should read it even if you don't like Guns N' Roses or Velvet Revolver or even if you have no idea who Duff is) you will love him too.

Sometimes I Pretend I am a Biker Scout on Endor

2011-10-09T18:58:00.003-06:00

John Williams, Main Title/Blockade Runner

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)

I would write something about how this was from yesterday when I went and did a bike ride for Breast Cancer Awareness, but that would make it too easy for someone to make a joke about my man boobs.

Dances Fantastic

2011-10-03T20:51:00.003-06:00

Neva Dinova, Dances Fantastic

Neva Dinova (2002)

The Partisan

2011-10-02T17:02:00.000-06:00

Leonard Cohen, The Partisan

Songs from a Room (1969)

Never Seen No Devil

2011-09-28T21:02:00.000-06:00

The Twilight Singers, Never Seen No Devil

Dynamite Steps (2011)

Unreachable

2011-09-25T17:10:00.001-06:00

John Frusciante, Unreachable

The Empyrean (2009)

George Lucas Can Eat a Bag of Wet Dicks

2011-09-12T20:32:00.000-06:00

I'm as big of a Star Wars fan as I know, and I've bought tons and tons and tons of Star Wars shit, but I won't be buying the Blu-Rays. I've been just fine with most of the changes, but I'm done. I've got the versions I've got, and they're the last ones I'm getting. I can live with Greedo shooting first, I don't care if Wicket blinks, I can even sort of tolerate the new homo mating call that Obi Wan uses to scare off the Tusken Raiders, but Vader saying "Nooo" just wrecks Return of the Jedi for me...and for George C. Scott.

Art of Almost

2011-09-05T17:03:00.003-06:00

Wilco, Art of Almost

The Whole Love (2011)

My Australian Is Exquisite

2011-08-28T15:31:00.006-06:00

Rancid, Nihilism

Let's Go (1994)

I took Friday off, which contributed to a veritable orgy of creativity that I spent playing with action figures rather than doing anything even remotely productive. But thanks to that day off and a copious amount of illegal amphetamines, I cranked out not one, not two, but three new episodes of my epic G.I. Joe photonovel, the first of which I'm publishing now (the other two are safely in the can, dear reader, so the wait won't be quite as long as it usually is). Today's installment includes not one, not two...well, okay, two, two San Diego Comic Con exclusive figures. Accordingly, this episode is dedicated to my brother Alex and his wife Sheree, who hooked me up with one of them, as well as to fellow geek/attorney Paul Mundheim, who hooked me up with the other. Without the collective resourcefulness of those three, this episode never could have happened, not even with all the amphetamines in the world.

Death Cab for Cutie 08/22/11

2011-08-23T20:49:00.000-06:00

Death Cab for Cutie, Codes and Keys

Codes and Keys (2011)

Kelly, me, and about 2,200 thirteen year-old girls went to see Death Cab for Cutie last night. Aside from feeling completely old and emasculated, I thought it was a delightful evening. I've seen them once before, and while that venue was preferable, I couldn't have been much happier with the setlist from last night. You can read more about the concert here. And here. And here.

My Review of Fright Night

2011-08-21T04:13:00.006-06:00

J. Geils Band, Fright Night

Fright Night Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (1985)

The original Fright Night is probably my favorite vampire movie ever. I bet I've seen that movie four or five times a year ever since I was about twelve, which, to a reasonable degree of mathematical certainty, adds up to nearly one million. I had mixed feelings about a remake, but it was getting pretty decent reviews, so I went and saw it. It wasn't nearly as bad as I'd worried, but it was good enough that I was a little frustrated that it wasn't as good as it could have been. It was still pretty good though (but not as good as the original).

First the bad: Chekov from the Star Trek reboot was Charlie, and he kind of bugged. Zero charisma. He looked like a sicklier version of Silver Spoons era Ricky Schroeder. James Franco's little brother Dave was crammed in as some kind of dope smoking jock for absolutely no reason; he totally should have played Charlie instead. And then McLovin was Evil Ed, and he was just awful. Those two parts, which are pretty damn important, were woefully miscast. Also, Evil gets turned way too soon, which guts a big part of the movie, but I guess the tradeoff is that McLovin wasn't on screen for as long as he would have been, which was okay with me. Instead of being a lovably pathetic geek like in the original, he's just a nerdy dick. I hated him. Chekov probably could have pulled of Evil way better. So it is a little frustrating that the ingredients were there to solve the casting problems, but I guess that's just Hollywood.

Now the good: Dr. Who as Peter Vincent was freaking awesome. I wish there had been more of him. Seriously, I hope they make a spin-off sequel just about Peter Vincent, vampire killah. That would make up for McLovin. Colin Farrell was also way better than I expected. They changed the character of Jerry Dandridge quite a bit and made him much more of a monster. In the original, Jerry was pretty classy and then pretty creepy, kind of like O.G. Dracula. In the remake, Jerry comes from some tribe of dirt vampires and is always sniffing around and talking about scents and stuff. He's not classy at all, he's just scary as shit. This movie made me forgive Colin Farrell for sucking universes of ass as Bullseye in that Daredevil abortion.

I also liked the explanation about how necessary it is to actually penetrate the heart with a stake, not just to cram it into the chest. That's a pretty good point which I hope will be noted when they inevitably remake The Lost Boys (it has always kind of bugged me how the Frog Brothers just stuck those things anywhere and it killed the vampires...but I digress). I liked the Chris Sarandon cameo, too.

And last but not least, I saw it in 3D, which I usually don't care for all that much, but it was totally worth seeing it that way. There's this part where this chick who just got turned into a vampire but doesn't know it walks into the sunlight and blows up, and that was especially badass in 3D.

If the original Fright Night is a 10.0, then the remake is a pretty solid 6.5 or 7.0. I'll quit talking about this movie now.

I Am So Sick of Baseball and Golf

2011-08-18T20:29:00.001-06:00

wo weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks,

AC/DC, For Those About to Rock (We Salute You)

For Those About to Rock We Salute You (1981)

two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks, two weeks...

Ryan's Book Review: The Dharma Bums

2011-08-09T20:58:00.005-06:00

The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac

Jay Farrar & Benjamin Gibbard, The Void

One Fast Move or I'm Gone (2009)

Synopsis: Kerouac's alter ego Ray Smith hangs around with Japhy Ryder a.k.a. Gary Snyder, spreading the Dharma to the West by being hobos and proto-hippies.

Review: First of all, I can't believe they haven't made a movie of this yet. Next of all, I originally read this book back in college because it's kind of obligatory to read Jack Kerouac stuff when you're in college. I told myself I really liked it then, and I've always known that I preferred it to On the Road. I don't know why, but a few weeks ago I decided to download it and read it again, which I did on flights to and from New York.

Holy crap I did not understand this book when I originally read it back in college. Back then, I really didn't know what Dharma was, or probably even what it meant. I got all the hippie-wanderlust-nature stuff, I guess, but the Buddhist stuff all went way, way, way over my head. I mean, it still probably goes over my head, but not nearly as far over my head as it did back then. Just...wow. In my mind, the book was always about nature and friendship, which I guess it really is, but now, I can't help but wonder stuff like this meant to my stupid, naive, self-righteous 21 year old self:

"Then I suddenly had the most tremendous feeling of the pitifulness of human beings, whatever they were, their faces, pained mouths, personalities, attempts to be gay, little petulances, feelings of loss, their dull and empty witticisms so soon forgotten: Ah, for what? I knew that the sound of silence was everywhere and therefore everything everywhere was silence. Suppose we suddenly wake up and see that what we thought to be this and that, ain't this and that at all."

After reading a bunch of Buddhist stuff for the last few years and then re-reading this book, I've decided that I still like this book, and in more than just the obligatory way that I've always liked Jack Kerouac.

One weird thing was that I felt guilty for reading it on a machine instead of reading a real book, but at exactly the same time, I was ticked that I couldn't download more of Gary Snyder's stuff to my machine right then at that very second. That was some deep existential crisis cognitive dissonance shit, right there, I tell you.

Anyways, if you haven't already, you should really read this book, not just because it's kind of obligatory, but because it's a pretty good read as long as you are anybody but my dumbass 21 year old self (even then you'll like it, but mostly for the wrong reasons). It's got some pretty good east meets west stuff, some good "I'm American and want to be Buddhist" stuff, some good "Christianity and Buddhism are pretty much the same thing" stuff, and some good hippie-I-need-to-spend-more-time-in-the-mountains stuff.

Ryan's Book Review: Letter to a Christian Nation

2011-07-30T22:12:00.009-06:00

Letter to a Christian Nation by Sam Harris

Love & Rockets, Everybody Wants to Go To Heaven

Earth, Sun, Moon (1987)

Synopsis: A neuroscientist writes an open letter to Christians--particularly Christians on the American political right--in order to explain why he believes what he believes, and why he doesn't believe what he doesn't, while intellectually dismantling religion.

Review: Something that has always driven me nuts is how the merits of an argument can be dismissed based on "tone" of the delivery. Whether it was me fighting with my mom as a kid, participating in high school debate, or arguing in court as a lawyer, it has always made me crazy when what I've said is ignored because of how I've said it. Maybe it's because I have no filter for that kind of thing; I just don't care. I've become objectively aware of it, sure, but I don't give a shit if you're yelling at me or whispering, I'm concerned much more with the substance of whatever it is you are saying than the manner of delivery.

Which brings me to this book. Sam Harris is one of the so-called "Four Horsemen of New Atheism." It's him, Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, and Daniel Dennett. I got into them because I have a huge man crush on Christopher Hitchens and read several of his other books before I finally got around to god is Not Great. That got me to read Dawkins' The God Delusion for the first time (though it wasn't until the second time that I realized what a game changer it was--believer or not, I honestly think it is a book that everyone should read). I still can't get through Daniel Dennett's Breaking the Spell (his thesis so intrigues me, but good grief, get to the point...and he and Dawkins and whomever else does it needs to quit calling themselves "Brights" (Hitchens explains why)).

So far I've skipped Sam Harris's The End of Faith, but I'm currently reading The Moral Landscape. Letter to A Christian Nation is super short--it's more of an essay than a book--and I read it on a recent flight to Chicago. What I like most about it is that unlike his fellow horsemen, it's difficult to deflect attention from his arguments by focusing instead on his disrespectful tone (an interesting practice, since the Christians that inevitably take offense when they feel that mean old atheists are being rude seemingly have no qualms about condemning atheists, queers, Muslims, etc., to an eternity of torturous damnation in the fires of hell). This essay makes a lot of good points without pulling punches, but does so with out the polemic bents of Hitchens or Dawkins. I'd like to read a real, substantive Christian response to this letter, but all I can seem to find (other than typical ad hominem crap) are apologists who essentially say "Well, Sam Harris doesn't really understand Christianity," and dismiss his arguments out of hand.

But at least Harris's delivery doesn't let them get off the hook by admonishing him for being nasty and disrespectful. Instead, the apologists retreat to the "you just don't get it" ground, an approach that still permits them to ignore the more difficult issues (the real reason, in my opinion, for the "I don't like your tone" rebuttal), but forcing them to defend the proposition of a much more nuanced and merciful version of Christianity--real Christianity--that is misrepresented by trivialities such as the Crusades; the Inquisition; witch hunts; slavery; pedophilia; race, gender, and orientation discrimination, etc. The reasoining is that all of the many, many negative things associated with religion are due to the fallibilities of people who have gotten it wrong for one reason or another, and Christianity has done a lot of nice things for a lot of people. That begs questions for me, though, because if real Christianity really is the Golden Rule stuff, why aren't there more Golden Rule Christians? If there are more, why don't more of them speak up? And are the ones who are speaking up doing so because they're Christians, or just because they're good human beings?

There's a lot more that could be said about all of this, of course, but I'll save it for another time.

Ryan's Book Review: Born Standing Up

2011-07-30T21:49:00.002-06:00

Born Standing Up by Steve Martin

Steve Martin, The All Being

Comedy Is Not Pretty (1979)

Synopsis: Steve Martin tells the story of when he was really funny but doesn't tell the story of why he decided to doing schmaltzy movies like Father of the Bride.

Review: I don't really know why, but I've always loved Steve Martin. Maybe it's because I knew he got started at Disneyland. But anyway, this book is pretty good. The most interesting part of it was about how this girl he met while working at Knott's Berry Farm got him into philosophy and he took a bunch of college courses on it and began deconstructing his performances to get deliberately absurd, becoming an act within an act within an act. Reading this book made me like the stuff of his I like a little bit more, but I still don't like the schmaltzy stuff.

I Can't Imagine Roddy McDowall with Neck Tattoos

2011-07-26T21:24:00.000-06:00

Cold as the Coldest Winter was Cold

2011-07-04T16:40:00.000-06:00

Atlas Sound, Cold as Ice

Let the Blind Lead Those Who See but Cannot Feel (2008)

Are you hot? Then how about a virtual trip to Antarctica to see what kind of shenanigans Cobra is up to? It will cool you off, but it will probably not do anything to help my rapidly accelerating male pattern baldness.

Today I Climbed A Mountain

2011-06-26T17:53:00.000-06:00

This is probably the gayest, fattest picture ever of me, but I was on top of Mt. Olympus here in Utah (not the real one where Zeus lives) which I thought was pretty extreme, so fuck off.

Heartless Bastards, The Mountain

The Mountain (2009)

Ryan's Book Review: Slash

2011-06-25T21:00:00.009-06:00

Slash by Slash and Anthony Bozza

Slash (featuring Rocco DeLuca), Saint Is A Sinner Too

Slash (2010)

Synopsis: Another British Mulatto memoir.

Review: I downloaded a sample of this book awhile ago, and for Father's Day, Kelly surprised me with the whole thing, which was awesome. It is a pretty cool book about Guns N' Roses and Slash's other projects. It's only worth reading for the Gn'R stuff, though. The book gets kind of lame at the end when he gets all self important and tries to make it out like Velvet Revolver (who were together when this book was written, around 2007, but are broken up now) is some sort of pinnacle of artistic achievement. After the Anthony Kiedis book and the Jane's Addiction book and now Slash's book, I think I really missed out by not becoming a heroin addict. Bill Hicks was right: drugs are pretty much behind all cool music. They certainly seem to be behind most of the music of my youth.

Here is some stuff I learned:

Slash is a big fan of The Cars.
Axl Rose is more of a humongous douchebag than I ever realized (but I still kind of love him).
Slash's mom dated David Bowie.
Duff McKagan is a pretty cool guy.
Slash is not a Jew (although his name is Saul Hudson, which sounds pretty Jewish to me).
Steven Adler was fuuuucked up:

"We would be hanging out and sharing a bit of blow, but I couldn't figure out how Steve was always that much more wasted [than me]. He'd just get this twinkle in his eye and say, 'Hey man...butter tray,' and point at the fridge.

'Yeah, okay, Steve. Sure,' I'd say. I'd go to the refrigerator, fix myself a drink, and come back with nothing remarkable to report. I didn't think he actually wanted me to look in the butter tray. He was that fucked up that I didn't take it seriously.

'Did you see?' he'd ask, grinning wildly. He'd just keep pointing at the refrigerator and saying 'Butter tray.'

'Yeah, man, I saw it,' I'd say. 'That's a great refrigerator you've got there. Really nice butter tray, man.'

'Butter tray.'

'So, Steven...what are you trying to say?'"

[SPOILER ALERT]

He was trying to say there were extra drugs in the butter tray.

[END SPOILER ALERT]

I also learned that it is okay for me to like Guns N' Roses, because although they're totally butt rock, they're not the same as all that other hair metal butt rock, which is what I've always told myself. When I was in high school, most of my friends listened to all that Poison/Great White/Warrant shit and I hated it and never bothered with it (note: not entirely true. I like a few Motley Crue songs, and love a couple of Cinderella songs. Some Scorpions stuff is okay, too. Once in awhile). But I always kind of liked Guns N' Roses and finally gave in and wasn't ashamed for liking them (fun fact: they are the only band I ever slept out all night to get tickets to see). Reading this book made me feel better about that, because Slash hated all that stuff too. I liked this quote about the state of music when he started getting into bands in the mid-80's:

"I had just gotten old enough to appreciate and enjoy all the stuff that had gone on before [hair metal], and just as I had everything started to fucking suck."

And I also liked when he talked about how one of his girlfriends had previously dated the lead singer of Ratt so she'd drag him to their shows:

"I'd even seen Ratt...against my will: as I mentioned, Yvonne had dated their singer, Stephen Pearcy, back when they were still called Mickey Ratt. When she and I were together, the group headlined [the Long Beach Arena] and she was still so proud of him that we had to go, even though he was a complete moron."

And he talks a lot about how bad he hates Poison. So although I am somewhat of a music snob, I will remain unashamed of my affection for Guns N' Roses.

Zero

2011-06-11T18:09:00.004-06:00

As in, "If you're one of the zero people that are reading this blog, then you should join the none of the other people who are reading my G.I. Joe Photonovel blog, "Joe vs. Cobra," which has a new chapter up, right here."

It's neither funny nor clever, but it does take a lot of time.

Guns N' Roses, Welcome to the Jungle

Appetite for Destruction (1987)

Ryan's Book Review: Live From New York

2011-06-10T21:57:00.010-06:00

Live From New York: An Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live by Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller

King Missile, It's Saturday

Happy Hour (1992)

Synopsis: This is a bunch of quotes from the people involved with Saturday Night Live, including performers, producers, and executives, arranged chronologically to tell a lot of the same stories about the show and the people who make it.

Review: I have some nostalgic sentimentality for Saturday Night Live, but this book made me like it less than I have in years. Don't get me wrong, there are some classic bits (including this one, which may be my all time favorite...and this one, which made me a vegetarian...and this one, which is why I went to law school...and this one, which I show Kelly to remind her of our wedding night...and this one, which is the reason I became a Satanist), but after reading this book and watching a few reruns recently, I'm convinced that the show's longevity has more to do with inertia than creativity.

This is the part where you dare me to say that to Horatio Sanz's face.

Aw, Fuck...ing Peter Vincent.

2011-06-06T19:49:00.002-06:00

This new trailer not only has former Dr. Who and Barty Crouch Jr. David Tenant as Peter Vincent, it also has James Franco's little brother Davy. Looks like those acting lessons paid off. If this remake has a Stephen Geoffreys cameo, I may actually go see it.

Madone 5.2

2011-05-28T19:36:00.001-06:00

This morning I woke up like it was any other day. I had a few errands to run and stuff, including stopping my to see my friends at the Trek Store. They surprised me with this beauty:

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Bicycle Song

By The Way (2002)

A 2011 Trek Madone 5.2.

Of course, it rained all day, but man, if summer ever gets here, I can't wait to burn some rubber on this. But she needs a name. Any suggestions?

Coolest Thing I've Ever Seen.

2011-05-26T19:42:00.000-06:00

Ryan's Book Review: Whores

2011-05-22T21:50:00.005-06:00

Whores: An Oral Biography of Perry Farrell and Jane's Addiction by Brendan Mullen

Jane's Addiction, Three Days

Ritual de lo Habitual (1990)

Synopsis: The author collects various quotes from pretty much everybody that had anything to do with Jane's Addiction and sequences them to tell the story of the band's origin and eventual destruction, as well as the attempted self-destruction of the members.

Review: This was a pretty interesting book with all the drugs and sex of Scar Tissue, as well as a lot of overlap in events and characters. I liked Scar Tissue better because it was a little more introspective, but it was really interesting to get more than one side of every story.

It made me think Perry Farrell is a huge asshole, though (but he's really funny). By reading this book, you will really get a sense of how important Jane's was. As important as Nirvana was, Jane's was kind of the epicenter of the explosion that became alternative rock in the 1990's. There's a quote in the book from Chili Peppers guitarist John Frusciante who describes the band like this:

Jane's Addiction was so far beyond anything I thought a rock band could be. It was so scary it just seemed like they were a bunch of murderers on stage! I just didn't think rock music could be that powerful. There was this darkness and this magical glow that had nothing to do with the music; this whole other energy that had nothing to do with human beings on stage playing music. I can only imagine that would be the same kind of energy that would be around Jesus Christ.

That pretty much sums them up.

One of the big mysteries for me has always been how Jane's Addiction could make two masterpieces, Nothing's Shocking and Ritual de lo Habitual, and then all their other individual (and reunited-ish) efforts would be so mediocre in comparison. After reading this book, my mind is made up that not only was there definitely a "whole being greater than the sum of its parts" thing going on, but Eric Avery was the alchemical soul of the band and without him, they're just not the same (although it's not in the book, it's worth noting that he was Tool's first choice to play bass when Paul D'Amour left in 1995, but Avery declined).

Anyway, this was a pretty cool book. Jane's Addiction apparently has a new album coming out in August 2011, but I don't think Avery is a part of it (though he did tour with the band from 2008-2010). We'll see. The first single is out now and it doesn't sound anywhere near as shocking as anything on the first two. But then again, nothing's shocking. Ha! See what I did there?

Ryan's Book Review: The Book of Mammon

2011-05-15T07:55:00.007-06:00

The Book of Mammon: A Book About A Book About the Corporation that Owns the Mormons by Daymon Smith

John Lennon, God

Plastic Ono Band (1970)

Synopsis: A Mormon anthropologist-to-be, in the midst of writing his doctoral dissertation (it's done now; you can read it here) on language and the ethnography of Mormons, gets a job at the Church Office Building and wacky hijinks ensue.

Review: Daymon Smith writes about his experiences and observations while working at the headquarters of the Mormon Church, the Church Office Building, or "COB", along with his fellow "Cobbers." To the extent the book is a sort of expose, it talks about the current state of the church as various corporations, headed by a corporation with a membership of one that owns all the other corporations and their assets, and distinguishes that from the corporate charter originally obtained by church founder Joseph Smith and the charter ultimately dissolved by the United States. The book discusses the evolution of the church from the speculative, charismatic theology of guys like Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and Orson Pratt, and how that all gets changed and streamlined by guys like James E. Talmage and John A. Widtsoe, and then how it all gets watered down by the official "correlation" of church doctrine and history.

I read a lot about this book before I actually read it, and and that stuff is all in there. It's very, very interesting, as are the various amusing anecdotes involving Toyota Avalons, undergarment sweat shops, and Welfare Videos. Basically, if you read this book, you will understand how on earth a multi-billion dollar corporation with well funded public relations departments could conceivably think that this type of thing would resonate with kids who happen not to be the Stepford children of general authorities.

But that's not really what the book is about. It's about someone confronting the discordance between what he believes Mormonism to mean, and what he discovers it actually--in a literal, legal, and practical sense--means.

Anyway, if you're interested, you should read some real reviews. I would start with this one in which the reviewer not only gets it, he gets how to talk about it. Then I would read this one, written by a fellow anthropologist who discusses some of the specific disciplinary strategies the author employs for the benefit of non-anthropologist readers. The comments to this review bring up some of the stylistic impenetrability, which is definitely an issue (not a huge deal, but it's not exactly an easy read). And finally, you should read this one, just to kind of round things out. If you're an insomniac like me, you'll want to spend those useful nocturnal hours reading the comments to each review...fascinating stuff, including occasional cameos by the author himself.

If you're thinking to yourself, "This all sounds rather interesting, but I just don't have the time to read and/or money to purchase the whole book," then you should read the nine part interview with Daymon Smith, available here.

But if instead, you're thinking, "Yeah, that's pretty interesting, but I don't know how to read," then I'd say, "How did you get this far? Have whomever is reading this to you download the four part interview podcast available here on your behalf, and you can listen to it."

I should add, as a final note, that reading the book is a really unique experience. As mentioned above, some of the conventions chosen by the author make reading the book a bit difficult. It's not jargony by any stretch, but you'll probably need to have a pretty good dictionary handy. Some of the narrative choices, while clever and playful, also make it a bit challenging.

Still, I think it's worth it for the unconventional effect the style has. Calling the experience of reading it "transformative" may be overstating things a bit, and I don't think "interactive" is quite accurate. It is certainly an experience, however, and if it weren't for some of the stylistic elements, including those that are arguably inaccessible, digressive or dense, the same probably couldn't be said.

Ryan's Book Review: Animal Farm

2011-05-14T05:40:00.003-06:00

Animal Farm by George Orwell

Pink Floyd, Pigs. Three Different Ones

Animals (1977)

Synopsis: A pig decides to be a commie and he inspires all these other animals to be commies, but then the first pig dies and then these other pigs decide to be really hardcore commies and they run off this farmer and then the two main pigs have a bit of a disagreement over a windmill and one pig has his dogs run the other off and pretty soon all hell breaks loose and Boxer the Horse gets sent to the glue factory. "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others."

Review: This is a pretty good book about the corruption of socialist ideals. Should you want to endear yourself to a Republican, give him or her a copy of this along with Atlas Shrugged (they won't actually read either, of course, but they will be appreciated nonetheless for how fine they look sitting next to the Sean Hannity oeuvre). As you walk away, it will be okay to remind yourself that capitalism ain't exactly perfect either.

Ryan's Book Review: Scar Tissue

2011-05-14T05:08:00.005-06:00

Kelly gave me a Kindle for Easter. I love it. I will be doing book reviews now that I am reading a great deal. Here is my first:

Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis

Red Hot Chili Peppers, Scar Tissue

Californication (1999)

Synopsis: Drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, sex, drugs, drugs, album/tour, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, sex, drugs, drugs, album, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, sex, band stuff, drugs, drugs, tour, drugs, drugs, drugs, travel, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, sex, drugs, drugs, sex, drugs, drugs.

Review: I like it because I like Red Hot Chili Peppers. If you like Red Hot Chili Peppers, you should read this book.

Aw, Fuck.

2011-05-13T19:14:00.000-06:00

I'm a big fan of the original, and despite remakes never living up, I kind of had high hopes.

But this looks like it will suck.*

More Fright Night (2011) Videos

*That excellent pun was wasted on this shitty trailer.

Dead Souls

2011-05-06T21:20:00.001-06:00

SLC Bike Tour 2011

2011-04-17T17:03:00.009-06:00

Elton John, Your Song

Elton John (1970)

Arcade Fire 4/11

2011-04-17T16:59:00.001-06:00

Arcade Fire, We Used To Wait

The Suburbs (2010)

Fables of the Deconstruction

2011-04-09T05:08:00.007-06:00

Billy Bragg & Wilco, Blood of the Lamb

Mermaid Avenue Vol. II (2000)

I usually listen to sports radio during my commute to and from work, but with the mathematical elimination of the Jazz from the postseason, all the talk has been about been baseball, soccer, and golf. I hate the first two sports, and have never understood the spectacle of golf (playing it is fine, except that I suck), so I had to look for something else to accompany me in the car. I scanned around the A.M. dial, and between the Mexican stations and right wing conspiracy theorists, I found a Christian station that I've been listening to whenever it's not playing ear-splittingly awful Christian Rock.

Recently, one of the topics on whatever show I happened to catch was the importance of using fear and the Bible to make sure that children are protected from atheists. Atheists, the commentators noted, are all over the world wide web trying to seduce children into the cult of godlessness (and as we all know, the only thing worse than normal atheists are radical Muslim atheists--heaven help us if they ever figure out how to work the internet).

This got me to thinking more about the extent to which religious beliefs derive from our psychology (and our biology...maybe I'll write about that later). I've written before concerning my doubts about personal experience being a legitimate epistemology, and recently I came across something that contributed to my skepticism. I read a book called The Culture Code by psychoanalyst Clotaire Rapaille. The premise is essentially that certain words have emotional meanings as well as literal meanings. Rapaille put his knowledge to use in marketing, helping corporations use code words to evoke emotional responses to their advertising in order to sell more shit. It's an interesting and useful book. And as I listened to the Christians on the radio endorse scaring the shit out of little kids in order to defend against the impending onslaught of atheists infiltrating elementary schools, I was amazed by the number of "code words" they used.

That got me to thinking about the way the emotional responses evoked by code words mirror the confirmation of supernatural "truths" by personal experience. It's all just emotion, which is startlingly unreliable and subject to manipulation. As individuals, we all form psychological templates. Some of these are uniquely individual, but many of them are quite common. The utility of understanding code words to advertisers is that if they can identify the psychological templates common to a culture, they can market by using words that elicit emotional responses from people. People are then motivated by those emotional responses to act, i.e., buy shit. The utility of code words to religionists is even more impressive. They get our hearts and minds and often, we pay them to take these away.

What the talk radio Christians were talking about wasn't just identifying and exploiting psychological templates the way advertisers do. They were advocating the creation of psychological templates for the specific purpose of propagating a particular worldview. This isn't a new discovery; an old Jesuit saying is "give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man."

C.S. Lewis wrote that "Moral Law tells us the tune we have to play: our instincts are merely the keys." Given the measure of religious inculcation of psychological templates you have to ask, "Who is actually playing the keys?" If Chrysler has figured out how to use the word "horse" to get people to buy Jeeps, just imagine what self-appointed ecclesiastical authorities have done with with "Father" at their disposal.

To the extent that my life is about more than buying shit (or working to get money to buy shit, worrying about shit I can't buy, using the shit that I've bought, etc.), I think it is important to question how I know, or how I think I know. The more I do that, the more I find myself identifying and then deconstructing my own psychological templates. As I take those templates apart--particularly those templates that were constructed by religion--I can't help but see their pieces everywhere.

In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then...

2011-03-17T04:01:00.000-06:00

...to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.

New Radiohead

2011-02-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

Radiohead, Bloom

The King of Limbs (2011)

I Love This.

2011-02-03T20:20:00.004-07:00

My next car will be a Passat just because of this commercial.

EDIT: Nevermind. Turns out the kid has never even seen Star Wars. Lame.

Snake Eyes is So Awesome

2011-01-22T06:59:00.000-07:00

I'm still not done listing my favorite 2010 albums, but I was overdue for some Snake Eyes love.

Cypress Hill, When The Shit Goes Down

Black Sunday (1993)

Favorite Albums of 2010: Rogue Wave - Permalight

2011-01-08T20:41:00.003-07:00

Rogue Wave, We Will Make A Song Destroy

Permalight (2010)

From time to time I will listen to internet radio stations. There's a lot of noise-to-sound going on, but every once in awhile a gem will pop up. A couple of years ago I was listening and I heard this song I really liked. I looked and it was a song called Phonytown by the band Rogue Wave. I surfed around and found a few other songs, and they were all pleasant enough, so I bought the album (Asleep at Heaven's Gate) and have been tracking down their other stuff (I still need to get one called Descended Like Vultures). The more I read about them, the more I realized I had no business liking the band because the songs are awfully happy (not to trigger a saccharine overdose, but they were even in some shitty Jennifer Aniston movie...I don't mean a song of theirs was used in the soundtrack, I mean the band was actually in the movie. What's worse, they weren't just in it the way the The Afghan Whigs were in Beautiful Girls or Oingo Boingo were in Back To School, they were like this sweet band the guy wanted to see but the tickets were sold out so Jennifer Aniston pulled off some charming electrical truck stunt to get the guy to see the band he liked...I hate myself for knowing that much, by the way).

The lead singer is a guy who goes by the name Zach Rogue, and as the story goes he lost his Silicon Valley job in the dot com bust in the early part of the decade, and went on a sort of soul searching pilgrimage across the country. His trek resulted in the recording of their first album, Out of the Shadow. Since then there have been a few line up changes and I think even one of their members died or something, but their albums are consistently really good. It's all pretty mellow, pretty uplifting synth pop stuff. It is great driving music if you're going on a spring or summertime road trip.

I got Permalight when it came out this year, and I really like it. Maybe that's a product of my therapist's admonition to start listening to happier music, but maybe it's actually good. I'm not sure. Give it a listen and let me know what you think.

Favorite Albums of 2010: Wolf Parade - Expo -86

2010-12-27T21:52:00.000-07:00

Wolf Parade, Ghost Pressure

Expo '86 (2010)

Wolf Parade have become one of my favorite bands. This is their third album, and it's a little less urgently frenetic and a bit more uneven than the previous two, but it's still cool and catchy as hell. It's too bad, I heard they're breaking up, or going on "indefinite hiatus"next year. The members are each in about fifty other bands besides Wolf Parade, so I'm sure I'll get a fix somewhere, but I would really like to see them live.

I still haven't quite figured out how to describe their sound. Energetic speed pop, maybe? I don't know. They're really good, though, and Expo '86 is a good listen.

Favorite Albums of 2010: The Gaslight Anthem - American Slang

2010-12-26T21:57:00.002-07:00

The Gaslight Anthem, We Did It When We Were Young

American Slang (2010)

It is kind of funny as I go through the stuff I've listened to the most this year...it all reminds me of airports or hotels or driving on unknown freeways. I know I've done a little more traveling this year than in the past, but I didn't quite realize how much that would impact what I listen to. Most of the albums that I've listened to in their entirety over and over again have been when I'm on the road.

This one definitely is. Awhile back I had to go to this dinky little town in New Jersey, and so I flew into the Newark airport not realizing that it would take me an hour and a half on the Jersey Turnpike to get to where I was going (if I had flown into Philadelphia, I would have been about fifteen minutes away...live and learn). It was a Tuesday night in November and I remember listening to the election returns come in and all the voices on the radio talk about Tea Parties and Republicans and all their bullshit. It bummed me out so I turned off the radio and put on my iPod and scrolled around.

This song came up, and I took it off shuffle and went through the whole album. It's kind of corny, because I was in New Jersey and that's where these guys are from, but it just made a perfect soundtrack. I wasn't in the Garden State long enough to really get a sense of it, but there's no doubt, there's a kind of blue collar, been-kicked-in-the-teeth vibe to the parts I drove through, and that really comes through on this album. Describing the association of this album and that particular trip threatens to make the whole "life is a journey" metaphor a bit too literal, but really, listening to this album makes you think about growing up and moving on and all that stuff. It's pretty good, and it's also pretty good rock and roll. Think Bruce Springsteen meets Social Distortion and you've got a pretty good idea of what these guys are like.

Favorite Albums of 2010: Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

2010-12-25T20:08:00.002-07:00

Kanye West, Monster

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (2010)

I was going to put LCD Soundsystem's This Is Happening on here, but Kanye took them out at the last minute. I liked the LCD Soundsystem album more when it first came out, probably because I figured I should. While it's got some fun, cool songs, I kind of think that if you've heard one LCD Soundsystem song, you've heard them all: they start out with minimal techno beats that run for a minute or two, and then as the song goes on, more and more layers come in while James Murphy waxes clever about all sorts of things while the music gets more frenetic.

So it's pretty good for what it is, but it's not in my Top Ten. I've been resisting putting Kanye West on my list because when The College Dropout came out in 2004 and topped critics' lists, I went out and bought it and was totally underwhelmed. This year, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy has been popping up as number one all over the place so about I month ago I picked it up. I didn't want to like it because I was afraid if I did, that meant I probably missed something with The College Dropout. Well, I guess I'm going to have to see if I can find that CD because yesterday when I was listening to this album for the hundredth time, I figured it had to go on the list.

I've been listening to My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy a lot since I got it (it is a really good treadmill companion), and the more I listen, the more I realize that Kanye is just plain crazy, but in a good way. Like in the way he stood there with Mike Myers and after rambling on for awhile said George W. Bush didn't like black people--still one of the funniest, most randomly bizarre, yet presciently accurate moments ever.

As I said before, I'm usually not much for hip-hop or rap, and I'm not familiar with all of Kanye West's stuff. But this CD has all kinds of cool music, samples, and just weird ass lyrics. I enjoy it quite a bit more than I expected it to, and every time I listen to it, I hear something new. I don't know if Kanye West is worth all the hype, but he might be.

Favorite Albums of 2010: Gorillaz - Plastic Beach

2010-12-24T06:49:00.000-07:00

Gorillaz, On Melancholy Hill

Plastic Beach (2010)

I used to think Gorillaz were a total gimmick (although humans technically make the music, the band are actually cartoon characters), but still, they've put out some really cool songs. This album is kind of indescribably weird. It's like a surreal, electro-pop meets hip-hop slow-fi acid trip through a Hanna Barbera cartoon. I mean, the album has both Lou Reed and Snoop Dogg on it, for goodness' sake. Where else is that going to happen?

If you really want to be a hardcore Gorillaz fan, I guess there are all sorts of virtual universe ways to interact with the band and its listeners. It's actually a rather interesting, post-modern social media-creates-reality experiment that Damon Albarn and Tank Girl illustrator Jamie Hewlett put together over a decade ago. I haven't really gotten into all that stuff, and before Plastic Beach, never really spent much time on the concept.

But this year I've done a fair amount of flying, which I've grown to dislike quite a bit, and it's nice to have albums that take you away when you're already traveling to wherever it is you may not want to go. Plastic Beach is a really good album to listen to if you're in that state of mind, or if you want to pretend that you are.

Favorite Albums of 2010: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Beat the Devil's Tattoo

2010-12-21T21:21:00.003-07:00

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Annabel Lee

Beat the Devil's Tattoo (2010)

So, yeah, Annabel Lee. Cool song. If you've ever read this blog (and lately, it appears nobody comes back here anymore, so I'm pretty much talking to myself) then you know I routinely jerk off about Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (in case you don't remember, here's where I posted the title track). Next to Tool, they're probably my favorite band. Kelly and I went and saw them in Vegas on the tour to support this record last February; they haven't come back to Salt Lake City in a long while and that's a shame. We've seen them five or six times, and they are hands down the best live band I've ever seen.

This is kind of a different album for them. I don't think it's quite as cohesive as their last two efforts, but I like it better than the first two albums (I'm not counting The Effects of 333 in there, since I don't really know what that is). They got rid of their original drummer, Nick Jago, permanently this time (he was also kicked out during the recording of Howl), and replaced him with ex-Raveonettes drummer Leah Shapiro. I can't quite put my finger on it, and even if I could, I don't know enough about music to explain it, other than to say that that change seems to have affected the chemistry of the band a bit (fun fact: after the show in Vegas, Kelly and I semi-stalked Peter Hayes and Leah as far as we could through the Hard Rock Hotel until they turned down a hallway guarded by several very burly men in black suits; that's as close as I got, although Kelly claims to have chatted it up with Peter beforehand while I was off peeing... convenient enough, I suppose...).

Anyway, BRMC is pretty much a self-financed band and after touring the world on their own nickel in support of Baby 81, they found themselves broke and in need of a place to live and record. A friend loaned them a house back east somewhere, and as Robert Been and Peter Hayes got acquainted with their new drummer, they started getting into Edgar Allan Poe and Beat the Devil's Tattoo is heavily influenced by the same kind of melancholy, romantic muse that inspired a lot of Poe's poetry. There are some rockers and some ballads, but the whole record is permeated with this gothic sensibility--not gothic in the Hot Topic sense, gothic in the frightening, narrative, 18th Century sense. Indeed, some of the songs sound like soundtracks to Penny Dreadful stories.

Sonically, the band is still more like Love & Rockets and The Jesus & Mary Chain than, I don't know, Type O Negative or whatever the eyeliner hessians wear. But on this album, there is something a little more melancholy and mysterious, even on the rockers. I would describe this album as something the Velvet Underground would have made had their tour bus been overtaken by Dracula. And it's BRMC and when it comes to them, I'm honestly pretty easy to please.

Favorite Albums of 2010: Josh Ritter - So Runs the World Away

2010-12-20T20:22:00.008-07:00

Josh Ritter, The Curse

So Runs the World Away (2010)

Several months ago I was reading the concert listings in the City Weekly and noticed that a performance by a musician named Josh Ritter was sold out. I'd never heard of him, and wondered what all the ticket buyers knew that I didn't. Then later that same day, I was listening to NPR on the drive home and heard this really cool, really weird kind of folk song. A music critic came on and said it was Josh Ritter, and the host talked about how, like Built to Spill and Led Zeppelin, he came from Idaho and also like those bands, he was the son of two neuroscientists or something. Anyway, they played a few more songs that were traditional Americana folk type songs with all kinds of subtle noises and almost psychedelic distortion. I told myself I'd have to check the guy out.

So I went to the library and picked up a couple of his past albums--Hello Starling and The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter. They were amazing...kind of like Elliott Smith meets Wilco. Soft, mesmerizing instrumentation and thoughtful lyrics. I special ordered a couple more of his albums, and eventually made my way to So Runs the World Away. All of his albums were new to me this year, but it's the one that came out this year. It's a little more mellow and folksy that some of his other stuff, though not as country as some of it either. I've really enjoyed listening to him, and all of his albums are fantastic.

I guess 2010 was as good a year as any to discover him, since he was previously rather prolific in his output which started in 2000 with a self-titled debut, but in 2007 he hit a wall of writer's block and it took three years for him to get going again. As I heard it, he was unable to write until one night a story about a love affair between an archaeologist and a mummy came into his mind, and he composed the lilting waltz, The Curse (you should watch the downright charming video, here). From there, the rest of So Runs the World Away poured out of him, as did a forthcoming novel. It's not exactly a concept album, but the whole thing certainly has the same contemplative, almost forlorn feel to it.

I feel like kind of an idiot for missing out on this guy for the last ten years, but it has been nice making up for the lost time.

By the way, So Runs the World Away has got a song on it called Another New World that was inspired, at least in part, by the Edgar Allen Poe poem "Annabel Lee," which is a good segue to tomorrow's post....

Favorite Albums of 2010: Eminem - Recovery

2010-12-19T21:27:00.005-07:00

Eminem, Almost Famous

Recovery (2010)

I am starting with this one because musically it's pretty different from the stuff I usually post on here. But if you go by what I listened to the most, then this is my top album of the year.

When I was in college I had this assignment to take some public figure I hated and then write a five page research paper on them (I picked Marilyn Manson and he actually intrigued me enough that I wound up buying the Mechanical Animals album, and since then, have picked up the rest of his catalog). It was a really useful exercise, and since then, if I hate someone and don't really know why, I read up on them like I'm doing a research paper. Most recently, I've done that with Sarah Palin. What a stupid, vapid, terrifying crone she is. But eight or nine years ago, I kept hearing all about this Eminem guy and he seemed like such a douchebag to me, so I started reading up on him.

Like with Marilyn Manson, I wound up buying a CD (I have not bought any of Sarah Palin's albums, in case you were wondering). This time it was the Marshall Mathers LP, and even though I've never been much of a hip hop guy, it knocked my socks off with its vicious satire and clever rhymes. Since then, I've followed Eminem and picked up all of his albums, some of which have been pretty good, but none of which were as good as MMLP. They've all kind of gone downhill after that one. And the last one, Relapse, was pure garbage. Just unlistenable.

So I didn't have high hopes for Recovery, but man, was I wrong. I skipped it when it came out, but within a week or so it started to get a little buzz, and then Amazon had it for a five dollar download and so I got it on a Friday night and listened to it straight through the next morning. Every song is really good. Several of them are fantastic. There aren't any of the silly skits that have been on all his other albums, and no goofy songs, either. It's a very mature, grown up record that has Eminem looking back at his life and his decisions critically. While he's got some barbs ("Girl, shake that ass like a donkey with Parkinson's / Make like Michael J. Fox is in your drawers playin' with an Etch-a-Sketch;" "If they don't like it they can all get fucked instead of sucking him off / They can go get a belt or a neck tie to hang themselves by / Like David Carradine they can go fuck themselves and just die"), he's his own victim most of the time. He takes the gloves off and discusses his failings as a lover, a father, a friend, and an entertainer, and in the process, he makes his best record ever.

I love it and I bet I've listened to it a least once a week since I bought it last June. I don't care what kind of music you listen to, you should get this. It's mature, dark, serious, powerful, optimistic...just fucking incredible.

What If It Was True?

2010-12-08T03:07:00.001-07:00

Violent Femmes, Jesus Walking On The Water

Hallowed Ground (1984)

I Have To Wonder

2010-12-04T07:29:00.000-07:00

The Wolfmen, Marilyn Monroe (Wam Bam JFK)

Single (2010)

Softly Shaking Electricity

2010-11-29T21:29:00.000-07:00

UNKLE (featuring Black Mountain), Clouds

End Titles...Stories for Film (2008)

I Guess I Don't

2010-11-21T20:07:00.000-07:00

Wye Oak, For Prayer

The Knot (2009)

Surly.

2010-05-12T05:17:00.003-06:00

Didn't I, My Dear?

2010-04-23T05:50:00.002-06:00

Mumford & Sons, Little Lion Man
Sigh No More (2010)

Weep for yourself, my man,
You'll never be what is in your heart
Weep little lion man,
You're not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself,
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?

Tremble for yourself, my man,
You know that you have seen this all before
Tremble little lion man,
You'll never settle any of your score
Your grace is wasted in your face,
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?

Silybum Adans

2010-04-18T20:47:00.002-06:00

Smashing Pumpkins, Crestfallen
Adore (1998)

Who am I to need you when I'm down?
Where are you when I need you around?
Your life is not your own.

And all I ask you
Is for another chance
Another way around you
To live by circumstance, once again

Who am I to need you now?
To ask you why, to tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me

And you may go, but I know you won't leave
Too many years built into memories
Your life is not your own.

Who am I to need you now?
To ask you why, to tell you no
To deserve your love and sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me

Who am I to you?
Along the way
I lost my faith.

And as you were, you'll be again
To mold like clay, to break like dirt
To tear me up in your sympathy
You were never meant to belong to me
You were never meant to belong to me
You were never meant to belong to me.

Quest

2010-04-05T21:14:00.003-06:00

John Lennon, Grow Old With Me
Milk and Honey (1984)

Will You Take Me Home?

2010-03-16T02:05:00.002-06:00

The Gutter Twins, We Have Met Before
Adorata (2008)

Little Pieces

2010-03-14T22:01:00.001-06:00

Pink Floyd, One of These Days
Meddle (1971)

Look at Your Reflection

2010-03-05T20:50:00.003-07:00

Nine Inch Nails, Right Where It Belongs
With Teeth (2005)

See the animal in his cage that you built,
Are you sure what side you're on?
Better not look him too closely in the eye,
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on?
See the safety of the life you have built,
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart,

And it's all
Right where it belongs

What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you think you know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is it all you want it to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks,
Would you find yourself...
Find yourself afraid to see?

What if all the world's inside of your head?
Just creations of your own
Your devils and your gods all the living and the dead
And you're really all alone
You can live in this illusion,
You can choose to believe.
You keep looking but you can't find the woods,
While you're hiding in the trees

What if everything around you,
Isn't quite as it seems?
What if all the world you used to know,
Is an elaborate dream?
And if you look at your reflection,
Is that all you want to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks,
Would you find yourself...
Find yourself afraid to see?

Surrender What You Are For What You Could Become

2010-03-03T03:46:00.003-07:00

King Black Acid, Grand Mal Pleasure
Royal Subjects (1997)

Maybe I Will

2010-02-15T20:23:00.005-07:00

Radiohead, I Might Be Wrong
Amnesiac (2001)

i u s e d t o t h i n k t h e r e w a s n o f u t u r e l e f t a t a l l .

Open Up Your Eyelids and Let Your Demons Run

2010-02-12T21:54:00.002-07:00

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Beat the Devil's Tattoo
Beat the Devil's Tattoo (2010)

In My Bones

2010-02-10T21:48:00.003-07:00

Manchester Orchestra, I Can Feel Your Pain
I'm Like a Virgin Losing a Child (2006)

Self

2010-02-09T21:55:00.006-07:00

The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.

"Who are you?" said the Caterpillar.

This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, "I--I hardly know, sir, just at present--at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."

I hardly know, sir...

I know who I was...

I must have been changed

se v e r al

t i me s

si n c e

t h en.

Limousine

2010-02-08T03:29:00.004-07:00

Brand New, Limousine
The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me (2006)

A beauty supreme.
Yeah, you were right about me.
But can I get myself out from underneath
this guilt that will crush me?

And in the choir, I saw our sad Messiah;
he was bored and tired of my laments.
He said, "I died for you one time, but never again."

"Never again."

We are Going to Disneyland in Two Weeks

2010-01-18T21:59:00.005-07:00

Jay Reatard, Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle

In Utero Tribute (Unreleased)

Did you ever listen to Jay Reatard? I just barely started listening to him late last year, and then he died. I kind of wonder if it's my fault. It's like last night when I was watching the Utah Jazz play the Denver Nuggets. When I would watch, the Jazz would suck. So I'd flip the channel and watch something else, and then flip back, and the Jazz would have come back. But the longer I'd watch, the more they'd suck. I think totally jinxed them by watching, and similarly, I think I killed Jay Reatard by starting to listen to him.

On a related note, I am excited to go to Disneyland. For one thing, Zack is finally over forty-six inches tall, which means he can finally ride the Indiana Jones ride, which he has been wigging out about for for several years.

Also, they just announced that this set will be available for purchase:

Badass, huh? I already have that Mickey guy (although in a lighter colored robe), but having an Astromech Droid with Mouse Ears will be awesome.

Fortress of Solitude: 2010 Update

2010-01-02T14:00:00.011-07:00

It has been awhile since I gave an update on the Fortress of Solitude. I still have a lot of work to do, but I've made some progress over the holidays. Here is an update of what a nerd I am.

My very first Fortress of Solitude post displayed my GI Joe collection, which--as you can see--has grown quite a bit over the last year. Here's a look at where we are now:

That one gives you a pretty good idea of most of the Joes. I'm sure a couple guys here and there slipped through the cracks, but I got most of the ones I wanted.

Here are some of the movie guys. Most of them were lame, but I picked up a few. That guy on the right is named Charbroil. He has chrome eyes, which is badass.

Moving from the Joes over to the Cobras. If for any reason you need a Cobra Commander, I have close to a hundred versions of him. They're always packing him in multi-packs that I have to buy just because I want one guy, and then I get an extra Cobra Commander or seven. I am sick of him.

That Baroness is pretty hot for an action figure, right? Right?

Zartan and his Dreadnoks. They're my favorite bad guys. Firefly is in there, too. After Zartan, he is my second favorite bad guy. Plus over on the right is another hot Baroness. It's a Sienna Miller version from the movie, so even if you're not a creepy weirdo like me that thinks action figures are hot, I think we can all agree that Sienna Miller is smokin'.

Okay, enough Joes. Here's some Star Wars. Let's start off with a bit of hodge-podge, Expanded Universe stuff. Lately Hasbro has been making a ton of Expanded Universe ("EU") crap. I don't like most of it, so that's saved me some scratch. But every once in awhile they put out something I think is neat so I will get it. Basically, if it's in the Clone Wars cartoons, or in the comic books I read when I was in law school, then I'll probably get it. Otherwise, screw it.

These are pretty much all the EU guys I have. Let's look at a few of them a bit closer, shall we?

That bald chick on the left is Asajj Ventress, and she's in the Clone Wars cartoon, so that's my excuse for her. The other two are just slutty Sith whores or something. The Darth Maul looking chick is named Darth Talon, but other than that, I have no clue what her story is. The other skank on the far right is from a video game called The Force Unleashed. I have that game, but I don't play it much and I've never gotten to her, so I don't know much about her. Behind the chicks you can see a couple of Tusken Raiders with lightsabers. They're from comics that I used to read. Eventually I quit reading, however, and recently found out the young Tusken Raider kid became some kind super Sith Lord. Star Wars Expanded Universe is pretty dumb, but I guess it has some hot chicks in it (hot chicks who wouldn't last long in a lightsaber duel due in large part to their lack of armor, or even clothes).

Mandalorians (i.e, guys that look like Boba Fett) are pretty cool. That one in the front there is called Jodo Kast. I don't really know much more about him. The dude in the background is Boba Fett as he originally appeared in the Star Wars Holiday Special. For some reason I bought two of him (the other one is in a zip-loc baggie). On the far left is a guy named Quinlan Vos. He's also from comics I used to read. He was this angsty ex-Jedi who lost his memory. Those were actually kind of cool comic books, which is why I bought both versions of him.

Enough EU. Let's get to some quality Star Wars!

Or just a prequel. Episode III was my favorite of the prequels. Going through my stuff, I can't believe how many weird, obscure figures they made (and I bought) from this movie. There are these weird Mustafarian flea guys, little freaks called Utai, just all kinds of bizarre crap. I love it. That Anakin/Vader doesn't shout "Nnnnnnoooooooooo!" but I wish it did.

Look, they made action figures of Luke and Leia as babies! That's Leia there in the Mom Organa lady's arms, and lil' Luke is with Obi-Wan, riding the Eopie. Calling them "action figures" is perhaps inaccurate, because they don't do anything.

Just like real babies.

Ha!

Here is my Kashyyyk diorama. Kashyyyk is Chewbacca's home planet, if you ever get asked that in a trivia challenge. In the front there are some holographic action figures. They are not really holograms, mind you; rather, they are molded in translucent blue plastic to create an illusion. I have discussed action figure illusions before, so this should not be a new concept to you. You can't see it really well in this picture, but there's a walker thing in there called an AT-PT. I really like that thing, by the way.

Here's some stuff from Episode IV: A New Hope:

This is from my Jawas diorama. I love Jawas.

I think they've made most of the droids that the Jawas try to sell to Luke and his grumpy uncle, but they're not all in scale with one another. That thing with all the arms is way bigger than it ought to be. But still, I can't bitch too much. Did I mention that I love Jawas? I especially like that little guy sitting off to the right. Just chillin', sellin' some stolen droids and shit. Who knows? Maybe later he'll make a run to Chalmun's Cantina, see if there's any action....

Of course there is! Some farmboy just got knocked on his duff by some dude who has the death sentence on twelve systems! Lucky for farmboy, he's with an old codger packing a lightsaber! Neither as clumsy or as random as a blaster; it's an elegant weapon from a more civilized age.

Man, they need to make a new Dr. Evazan figure in a bad, bad way. This one is a steaming pile, isn't it? It doesn't even really look like him.

Here are some Empire Strikes Back guys. You can see Major Bren Derlin, who was played by Cliff Claven.

What's that you say? You don't care about Cliff Claven? You want a closer look at Boba Fett? Okay.

I think this is one of my favorite action figures. It is a removable helmet Boba Fett. It really is a thing of beauty; the picture doesn't do it justice. Boba Fett, as you know, is the Bounty Hunter who captured Han Solo, who was then taken to the Carbon Freezing Chamber on Cloud City....

The Carbon Freezing Chamber playset is a little small, and when you put the necessary guys on it, it gets quite crowded. Still, I think it is pretty cool. The Boba Fett in my Carbon Freezing Chamber diorama is also a removable helmet Boba Fett, with the same mold as the other one, but the paint job on this one isn't quite as good, and he's missing an emblem on his chest, so he's not quite as perfect as the other one.

This is the basement of the Carbon Freezing Chamber. You're probably asking yourself, who is that guy in the orange jumpsuit? No, it is not Lando's fat brother. It is Willrow Hood, a.k.a. Ice Cream Maker Guy. You know. THIS GUY. In a testament to the amount of power that geeks like me hold over multinational corporations like Hasbro, one guy (named Scott Pearson) picked this obscure character and made it a crusade to get an action figure made out of him. And after nearly a decade of effort, Hasbro capitulated and made him into a figure, which I just barely got for Christmas.

But enough about Willrow. Here is Luke, training on Dagobah:

I love that he can do a handstand. And I love Yoda. Luke is training for a big fight with some kind of ghost version of Darth Vader: That ghost Darth Vader's faceplate comes off and Luke's face is underneath, just like in the movie.

Anyway, remember the Carbon Freezing Chamber diorama and Boba Fett? Well as you know, after Han Solo is frozen in Carbonite, he is taken to intergalactic gangster and space slug Jabba the Hutt, which is where we end our tour:

There is Boba Fett again. You'll notice that this time, his wrist gauntlets are magenta instead of green. That is how you tell whether a Boba Fett figure belongs in your Empire Strikes Back collection or your Return of the Jedi collection. That is a good Boba Fett, but it doesn't have a removable helmet.

This looks like Jedi Luke is shooting Princess Leia in Boushh disguise, but I assure you, that is a mistake caused by the angle at which I took the photograph. The larger mistake, of course, is the anachronistic placement of Luke, Princess Leia in Boushh disguise, and Slave Leia all in one diorama. I know, I know. That causes me more heartburn than you probably realize, but what else am I gonna do?

Here's some more of Jabba's denizens. Those two honking huge guys in the background are among my favorites. They are Ephant Mon and Hermi Odle. Honestly, I didn't even know those guys were in the movie until I started collecting the toys.

Beneath Jabba's throne room lies the Rancor pit. I really need to do something with this diorama, like get some rocks or dirt or something on the ground. There's a new version of Malikili, a.k.a. Rancor Keeper, a.k.a. fat shirtless guy that just came out, and I may have to buy it if I can't find my Malikili's weapon staff thingy.

Anyway, those are some updates of my action figure collection.

My Twenty Favorite Albums of the Decade (2000 - 2009)

2009-12-27T07:32:00.019-07:00

20. Elliott Smith - From a Basement on a Hill (2004)

(King's Crossing)

Bardo Thodol, commonly known as the Tibetan Book of the Dead, is an Eastern funerary text intended to guide the reader through states of consciousness into death. Death, in Buddhism as well as many religions, is a means of liberating the essence of being, or soul, for lack of a better word, into another metaphysical or spiritual state. All of Elliott Smith's albums, including this posthumous release issued a year after his suicide, chronicle very deep, very human states of suffering. Remarkably, they do so with pretty melodies and only subtle melancholy. This album can be criticized a bit for being finished by others, but nevertheless it remains a portrait of the artist's darkest days leading up to the decision for him to inflict upon himself that transcendent next step. Hopefully, Elliott Smith has found what he was looking for. "I can't prepare for death any more than I already have."

19. The Twilight Singers - Twilight as Played by The Twilight Singers (2000)

(Last Temptation)

The Twilight Singers originally began as a side project to Greg Dulli's other vocation, The Afghan Whigs, during that band's dispute with a record label. Twilight as Played by The Twilight Singers was primarily recorded in 1997, after Black Love but before 1965, and thematically, it probably fits in as a follow-up to Black Love better than 1965 does. Still, it wasn't released until 2000, on the eve of the Whigs' break up. It's soulful rhythm and blues, with a bit of New Orleans groove and sultry swagger. Kinda naughty. I've taken many, many, many late night drives with this album as my only companion.

18. Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago (2008)

(Blindsided)

In late 2008 remember going into a dinky little record store looking for a Black Rebel Motorcycle Club promo and picking up this little printout that listed all of the employees' favorite albums. The tastes of the various employees were quite eclectic, but without fail, each one of them included this album. I should have bought it then, I guess, but I didn't. It was about a year later I finally downloaded it, and finally learned for myself what all the fuss was about. The story of its creation has already gone down into legend, but suffice it to say, I'm glad that what happened happened, because this is an excellent album. Sad and pretty.

17. Black Mountain - In the Future (2008)

(Angels)

Throbbing, deep psychedelia with heavy bass and Moog organs. I'm pissed that these guys have never come to Salt Lake City. I bet their live show is killer.

16. The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots (2002)

(It's Summertime)

I got this album, along with Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot and Beck's Sea Change, for my birthday one year, and ever since then, the three of them have been inseparably connected in my mind. It is weird. It is like they were made to be listened to together, mostly because the three of them were in perpetual rotation in my car CD player for months. I had The Flaming Lips' The Soft Bulletin, and I liked it, but Yoshimi took things to a completely different, surreal level. The album tells the story of Yoshimi, who, predictably, is engaged in battle against Pink Robots. The songs, however, are individually about loss, love, longing, lying, etc. It's produced by Dave Fridmann of Mercury Rev, who made my favorite album of the 90's, Deserter's Songs, and this is a worthy successor, done Lips style. Lush and strange all stitched together to make some beautiful noise.

15. Jeff Buckley - Live at Sin-e (2003)

(Hallelujah)

Jeff Buckley is the Tupac of alternative rock; he's put out a shitload more music since he died than he ever did alive. Honestly, you can pass on a lot of the posthumous Buckley stuff, but Live at Sin-e is a must-own in my opinion. Originally released as a relatively short EP, it later got this deluxe reissue containing over two hours of songs, covers, jams, and audience repartee. This record captures Jeff Buckley just before his prime, and hints at his greatness. I've never heard a voice quite like his. Everyone knows his cover of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah," and I don't think there's a better version out there than the one on this record. If you only listen to one of the songs I've posted here, it ought to be this one. It is absolutely beautiful, and the rest of the album--while not quite as epic--does not disappoint.

14. Wolf Parade - At Mt. Zoomer (2008)

(Fine Young Cannibals)

I don't know how to really characterize these guys. Earnest like Arcade Fire (this album was recorded in Arcade Fire's church/studio), sorta weird like Modest Mouse (MM's frontman Isaac Brock signed the band to Sub Pop), and with that ethereal pop sensibility of Neutral Milk Hotel and Apples In Stereo. I guess a lot more people like their first full length, Apologies to the Queen Mary, which is also fantastic, but something about this album sucks me in over and over.

13. Arcade Fire - Neon Bible (2007)

(My Body Is A Cage)

This album loses only a little from its predecessor, Funeral, because of its big(ger) budget production and some of the production tricks. It is a wholly ambitious, meaningful album, and listening to it, one can't help but feel the several dozen members of Arcade Fire pouring their essence into every syllable, every note. It is artistic over-achievement at its finest.

12. Wilco - A Ghost is Born (2004)

(Theologians)

Yankee Hotel Foxtrot introduced me to Wilco, and I was eagerly awaiting their follow-up for more of the same. What I got instead was completely different, but mind blowing in a way all its own. Eleven years or so ago, a friend gave me a card that said that life wasn't about the destination, but the journey. Wilco's albums are like postcards from various points on the journey of life. Sometimes profound, sometimes simple, Jeff Tweedy and Company's songs never disappoint, even when they're the opposite of what you expect. Alt country enough to be classic, weird enough to be alternative, they always seem to hit the spot. "Hell is Chrome" off this record is probably my favorite song of all time.

11. Death Cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism (2003)

(Transatlanticism)

This one I had to totally rediscover. When this album was initially released, it was getting a fair amount of hype, so I bought the CD, listened to it to and from work that day, and then pretty much forgot about it for a few years. After Plans came out, I started getting into Death Cab a little bit more, and went back and listened to Transatlanticism again. I was disappointed in myself for missing out on so many great songs for so long. Each song is like a little snapshot into all the ups and downs of relationships, romance and heartbreak.

10. ...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead - Source Tags and Codes (2002)

(Heart in the Hand of the Matter)

As with Nirvana's Nevermind, you really have to go back to when this came out to grasp its full impact on rock-n-roll. Nevermind obliterated the hairspray rock world of the early Nineties, and similarly, Source Tags and Codes destroyed the early 2000's nu-metal shit by showing that rock could be loud and angry and still mean something. Nirvana got a little more mileage out of their statement than did Trail of Dead, but in my mind, this album is just as important. Smart, intelligent music that still rocks balls out.

9. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Baby 81 (2007)

(Am I Only)

What is that thing that makes singers sound like robots? Cher used it in that one song, and now every rapper and hip-hop singer uses it. Some kind of vocabulator. Auto tune? Whatever it is, Rock and Roll is under attack from such bullshit. In an age when people think that the winner of American Idol actually makes something that can be called music, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club are the vanguards of Rock and Roll. This album is raw, sexy, and powerful. God save Black Rebel Motorcycle Club. They are Rock and Roll's last hope in the postapocalyptic wasteland of Clay Aiken and Nickelback.

8. Interpol - Turn on the Bright Lights (2002)

(Say Hello to the Angels)

Wait. You mean every song is about sex? Yes. Totally. Every song is about sex. Other stuff, too, but mostly sex.

7. Brand New - The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me (2006)

(Luca)

Screw you. I don't care. I love this album. I've probably told the story before, but I bought this one because of the album cover alone, went out into my car one cold, lonely winter night, put it in my car's CD player and listened to it right there in the parking lot, twice through straight. It blew me away. I still listen to it all the time.

6. Death Cab for Cutie - Plans (2005)

(Summer Skin)

Well produced, well written and well played. I can't really describe it. Wistful, rich sounds behind Ben Gibbard's boyish tenor singing about heartache in ways you've felt but never found the words to speak. It's a fantastic album, and it also strikes a number of sentimental chords with me. A real breakthrough.

5. Arcade Fire - Funeral (2004)

(Wake Up)

As far as debuts go, they don't get much better than this. Win Butler's troupe of hypertalented musicians put together an album of introspective, haunting songs that you need to hum, and that make you think.

4. Radiohead - Hail to the Thief (2004)

(There There (The Boney King of Nowhere))

Radiohead are one of my favorite bands, and this is by far my favorite Radiohead album. This and Pearl Jam's Riot Act were the first overtly political records I remember coming out in reaction to the first four years of the George W. Bush administration. I was so relieved to finally hear artists commenting on the fucked up state of affairs the world was in. Radiohead, as they are wont to do, went beyond traditional protest songs, and made an entire album about the human consequences of the actions of global leaders, fanatics, fundamentalists, and reactionaries. Alienation and detachment are common themes for Radiohead, but this album addressed them with unparalleled prescience and urgency against the backdrop of a world falling apart.

3. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Howl (2005)

(Restless Sinner)

Named after a 1955 Allen Ginsberg poem, Howl is a real turning point for BRMC. Their first two albums had been Jesus and Mary Chain-influenced fuzz rock, and I love both of them. But Howl is a definite change in course; a more mature, steady, and fundamental record. It's a rootsy, blues influenced journey of purely American Rock and Roll, and every single song on the album--as well as the six songs off of the Howl Sessions EP--are excellent.

2. Wilco - Yankee Hotel Foxtrot (2002)

(Radio Cure)

This album is borne one of those legendary stories, like Axl Rose fucking Steven Adler's girlfriend to get the audible ecstasy in "Rocket Queen," or Mick Jagger fucking Marianne Faithfull during the recording of Beggars' Banquet. Except in this case, there was no actual fucking. Rather, Jeff Tweedy had grown enamored of producer Jim O'Rourke at the expense of his longtime relationship with co-songwriter Jay Bennett. Add to that label drama, as well as Wilco's demonstrated talent, and you've got a perfect storm of artistic perfection. Lyrically, there's not much to set Yankee Hotel Foxtrot apart from Wilco's previous efforts, but the mind blowingly weird-yet-beautiful sounds of traditional Americana fused with O'Rourke's Sonic Youthy noise influence make this one an absolute classic. Traditional yet discordant; accessible yet dissonant.

1. Tool - Lateralus (2001)

(Lateralus)

In a negative review, Blender said this record sounded like "Black Sabbath jamming with Genesis at the bottom of a coal shaft." I'll give the editors credit for a spot-on description, but I disagree with the implication that that's somehow a bad thing. Tool's third full length LP is a dark, dense, and somewhat difficult record about transcendence and enlightenment. Each song takes its time to develop, ultimately forming a sonically and thematically coherent whole. Musically, it's got Tool's signature complex time signatures and intricate rhythms, and lyrically, it takes a lot from Jungian psychology, science fiction, and eastern mysticism. It's heavy in every sense of the word, and it's my favorite album of all time.

I embrace my
Desire to
Feel the rhythm, to
Feel connected
Enough to step aside and
Weep like a widow, to
Feel inspired, to
Fathom the power, to
Witness the beauty, to
Bathe in the fountain, to
Swing on the spiral, to
Swing on the spiral, to

Swing on the spiral of
Our divinity and
Still be a human....

My Ten Favorite Albums From 2009

2009-12-13T20:43:00.017-07:00

This year I felt more out of touch with the music coming out than perhaps ever before. I faithfully read Pitchfork and Stereogum to try and stay cool, but I think I am losing it. I swear to god, I read every single hipster blog that jerked off to Grizzly Bear but I still think they suck. I tried really, really, really hard to like the new Animal Collective, but just couldn't get into it. Even the new Flaming Lips was too weird for me, and I love their weird stuff. For the first time in a long time, I didn't find some new band that kind of knocked my socks off and gave me hope for the future. Or at least, hope that I wasn't officially an old man stuck in the past.

Alas, 2009 is the year I realized that I am an old man stuck in the past. Pretty much all of these albums are by artists I've liked for quite awhile. Safe. It's the stuff I like. Not a single "new"--or even "new to me"--artist (unless you count "Monsters of Folk," which is really just four of the artists I like, so I don't really count them as "new"). Still, it was a pretty good year to hear from these artists that I like.

So in no particular order, here are my ten favorite albums from 2009:

Century of Self
...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead

(Far Pavilions)

If Queen had been a little less glam and a little more angsty rocker, they would have been Trail of Dead. This is probably my second favorite album of theirs, after 2002's Source Tags and Codes. I like almost everything they've done, including the operatic, overproduced stuff on Worlds Apart and So Divided. Century of Self is definitely a return to more of the band's earlier, more aggressive sound, although it's still got pianos and stuff. I saw them live this year, and even got my picture taken with Conrad Keely, which was a high point of my life.

It's Blitz!
Yeah Yeah Yeahs

(Hysteric)

I bought Fever to Tell when it came out, but wasn't nearly as blown away by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs as everyone else seemed to be. I let them drop off my radar, until a friend from high school burned me a copy of It's Blitz! I listened to it through a couple of times, and it's wonderful. I'm usually not too partial to female vocalists, but Karen O has this kind of wistful, mature adolescent voice that sucks me in. The whole album has this soft, synthetic sound...almost like if Radiohead had had a chick singer when they made The Bends. Anyway, this was the most pleasant surprise of the whole year for me.

There Is No Enemy
Built to Spill

(Tomorrow)

I started listening to Built to Spill around 1998 when I picked up Perfect From Now On. I listened to it a lot that fall, and even now, I find that it's an excellent soundtrack to Autumn. Since then I've kept up with everything they've released, all of which has been pretty good. Their last two albums, though, 2006's You In Reverse and this year's There Is No Enemy, are probably better than anything else they've done. In a weird way, it's almost like Built to Spill are going backwards. Perfect from Now On, 1999's Keep It Like A Secret, and 2001's Ancient Melodies of the Future had a lot of overdubbing and layered guitar work. But the last two are a little more stripped and raw in their sound--still proggy, but more spontaneous. There Is No Enemy has the same quality lyrically. I can't really explain it except to say that while Perfect From Now On is Autumn, There Is No Enemy is Winter. It's a little dark and melancholy and more overtly political than anything else they've done (check out "Planting Seeds": "Just because you love something doesn't mean it's yours to buy//Been selling it so long that no one even knows the reason why//You've been messing with our minds//Getting rich wasting our time").

Sunrise in the Land of Milk and Honey
Cracker

(Sunrise in the Land of Milk and Honey)

Cracker can do now wrong, in my opinion. Their self-titled debut from 1992, 1993's Kerosene Hat, and 1998's Gentleman's Blues all get a lot of play on my iPod. Gentleman's Blues is in my car's CD player right now. I would be lying if I said that Sunrise in the Land of Milk and Honey broke any new ground; it doesn't. David Lowery's got that whiskey-and-cigarettes growl, and he uses it to sling wry lyrics about life, love, and loss over slide guitar and boot stomping, country-blues riffs. In other words, it sounds just like Cracker. Which is fine with me, because if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

"Dyin' is easy. It's livin' that's hard."

Monsters of Folk
Monsters of Folk

(Ahead of the Curve)

This is a cool album. In case you haven't heard of them, it's Jim James from My Morning Jacket, M. Ward, and Conor Oberst and Mike Mogis from Bright Eyes. It took me awhile to acknowledge just what a good lyricist Conor Oberst is, mostly because he bugged the hell out of me for a few years. But I read an article on him in Rolling Stone, and he sounded kind of cool, so I got over it. Back before this album was recorded, Oberst described it as "like being in a band with three wizards." Judging by the quality of every song on this album, that was a pretty accurate assessment.

West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum
Kasabian

(Underdog)

Another pleasant surprise given to my by a friend, and I am still looking for the right drugs to do with this album. Their first album was flash forward disco, their second album was kind of boring, but this is really solid release of kind surreal, funky, soulful acid rock. Really fun to listen to.

The Eternal
Sonic Youth

(Massage the History)

I started listening to Sonic Youth because Kurt Cobain said I should, but the only albums of theirs I ever truly liked were Dirty and Goo, which would make me a pariah among real Sonic Youth devotees. The rest of their stuff is good, but I have to be in a very, very, very specific mood to listen to any of it. I found that I was getting into that mood less and less, so I skipped their last couple of albums. I got this one for free, though, and listened to it through a couple of times because Sonic Youth were coming to do a free concert, and I figured I ought to get myself familiar with their new stuff since odds were pretty long they'd play "Dirty Boots" or "Sugar Kane." To my surprise, I found myself really like every single song on the album. It's got the same kind of frenetic, discordant noise that Sonic Youth have patented, but it's a little more...grown up?

Or maybe I am.

Backspacer
Pearl Jam

(Supersonic)

I wish I liked Bruce Springsteen a bit more. He seems to have a pretty important place in rock n' roll. I just can't stand to listen to him. Thankfully, Pearl Jam came along and made a Bruce Springsteen record without Bruce Springsteen. Pearl Jam's always been one of my favorite bands, but they've been up and down, and generally I like a particular kind of Pearl Jam (e.g., No Code, Binaural) more than others (e.g., Yield, Riot Act), but I still like it all. Backspacer is probably a little closer to the kind of Pearl Jam I like less, but it's definitely its own monster. Straight up rock and roll the way I imagine Bruce Springsteen would make it if I could stand to listen to him.

Daisy
Brand New

(Sink)

I don't like this album as much as its predecessor, The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me, but I like it way better than Brand New's earlier, emo stuff. Daisy is neither as lyrically strong nor thematically cohesive as Devil and God, but it still scratches some of the same itches. It's certainly much noisier and less constrained. This is really good to listen to if you're kind of grumpy and depressed, which I usually am, so I listen to it quite a bit.

" It's taken me this long to learn that every dead is ate by worms, and once they're gone, they don't return...."

Wavering Radiant
Isis

(Hand of the Host)

I didn't start listening to Isis until about this time last year, and I listen to them for a very particular reason that I won't bother going into here. Probably not for everybody, but I love this album. It's sonically mesmerizing, and once you get used to the cookie monster vocals, the music is totally hypnotic. Dark and dense and kind of scary.

But in a good way.

LDS Church Official Response to Max Hall's Statements.

2009-11-28T13:54:00.009-07:00

SALT LAKE CITY, UT - In response to BYU quarterback Max Hall's recent statements, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has adopted an amendment to its Thirteenth Article of Faith. The revised declaration now reads, in pertinent part, "We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men except those affiliated with the University of Utah, its football team, or fans thereof."

Additionally, LDS Church spokesman LaVerne Christiansen stated that General Authorities who had received academic degrees from the University of Utah would be immediately granted emeritus status and removed from their callings. "Except for President Monson," Christiansen explained, "because he repented of his [University of] Utah Bachelor's Degree by getting an MBA from the Lord's One True University."

In related news, church scholars engaged in the Joseph Smith Papers Project have reported that they have recently discovered Smith's personal notes regarding the "inspired" translation of Matthew 5:44. "The King James Version has Christ telling his disciples to 'love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you,' which is all very good," said Project Editor F. Merrill Baker, Jr., "but the [newly discovered] Prophet's translation includes a caveat, making it clear that the Lord's pronouncement doesn't apply to the Utes."

"It's marvelous," continued Baker, who holds a doctorate in archival archaeology from Brigham Young University, "and it reveals that even though the University of Utah wasn't founded until 1850--more than five years after his death--Joseph Smith knew by the spirit of prophecy and inspiration that its football fans would spill their beer on BYU fans."

Five Fictional Guys That Rule

2009-11-24T20:46:00.013-07:00

5. Boromir

As with many illiterate dipshits born in the 1970's, my first exposure to the character of Boromir from J.R.R. Tolkein's The Lord of the Rings stories came thanks to the Ralph Bakshi cartoon. If you've seen it, then you'll know its depiction of Boromir pretty much made him out to be a bear, so I didn't think he was cool at all.

Then, of course, Peter Jackson made his badass movies. I saw the first one, The Fellowship of the Ring, and I was really intrigued by the character of Boromir. Here was this guy who appeared to be a strong, noble person, but he was really quite flawed. When Galadriel perceives his thoughts, Boromir kind of realizes he's not quite the champion he thinks he is. Toward the end, he succumbs to temptation and turns awfully dark. He tries to take the Ring from Frodo, an act that unravels the Fellowship and stirs up quite a shitstorm. But before the end, Boromir redeems himself and rescues the hobbits, sacrificing himself in the process. The lesson I get from Boromir is that even the good guys fuck up pretty bad sometimes, but what's important isn't whether or not you fuck up, it's what you do after you've fucked up that counts.

After seeing the movie, I finally plowed through the books, which of course I love. I even love the gay little song about Boromir:

What news of Boromir the Bold? For he is long away. ‘Beneath Amon Hen I heard his cry. There many foes he fought His cloven shield, his broken sword, they to the water brought. His head so proud, his face so fair, his limbs they laid to rest; And Rauros, Golden Rauros Falls, bore him upon its breast.’ Oh Boromir! The Tower of Guard shall ever northward gaze To Rauros, Golden Rauros Falls until the end of days.

4. Ash Williams

Ash, the protagonist from Sam Raimi's Evil Dead trilogy, is equal parts badass and dumbass. I certainly think I identify more with Ash's dumbass characteristics, but still, I like to think that when I'm at my best, I'm like Ash:

3. Snake Eyes

Of the five guys on this list, I don't see any of myself in Snake Eyes. Rather, Snake Eyes is what I aspire to be. To me, he is the ideal. He doesn't talk, so there's no bullshit. I, on the other hand, am full of bullshit. Snake Eyes is disciplined and gets the job done in a total no-nonsense way. Hot shot pretty boys like Duke get the medals and shit, but you know that if you're a Joe in foxhole and Cobra starts bringing the pain, you want one Joe by your side and that's muthafuckin' Snake Eyes. I would like to be that kind of guy.

And yes, of course that includes having his skills with a katana.

2. Luke Skywalker

In a lot of ways, I think I identify more with Luke's dad than Luke, but I've already covered the tragic flaw/redemption stuff with Boromir. Plus Anakin's acting in the movies kind of sucks, so I'll default to the original trilogy and the hero of my youth. I never thought I was as cool as Han Solo, it all seemed pretty easy for him. Luke, on the other hand, starts out as totally a whiny wuss but he is driven by a desire to become something more. Step by step, he takes instruction and learns new things and consistently chooses the light side. I can be a whiner at times, and I do think I try to choose the light side more often than not. And even though Luke was probably more successful at being a good guy than I have been, at least I never made out with my sister.

1. Flash Gordon (1980)

I specifically list this as Flash Gordon (1980), because although I am a humongous nerd (obviously), and I have really tried hard to become a fan of Flash Gordon in general, it's really only the Flash Gordon from the 1980 movie that does it for me. I've read a lot of the old Alex Raymond comic strips, I've watched the old Buster Crabbe serials, and I even watched a commercial for the new SyFy series--which looked horrible so I never watched any more. But I was kind of bummed when I found out that in Alex Raymond's originals, Flash wasn't the quarterback for the New York Jets, he was a world-renowned polo player for Yale University. Gaaaaaaaaay. And unlike the guy in the movie, the Flash from the comic strips and the 1930's and 40's serials was kind of a perfect boy scout.

Flash in the 1980 movie, however, is kind of a tool, and that's something I can totally identify with. He gets bonked on the head by a futuristic green football (though that is mostly the fault of Dr. Hans Zarkov) and goes unconscious, dies, he makes out with his archenemy's hot daughter while his girlfriend is reading his mind, he gets tricked by Prince Barin, he gets eaten by a giant green slimy bug thing...he does lots of totally retarded things. But when the chips are down, he pulls through. I do lots of retarded things, but when all is said and done, thanks to Flash Gordon (1980), I hope to also be the kind of guy that pulls through.

Just a man
With a man's courage
He knows nothing but a man
But he can never fail
No one but the pure in heart
May find the golden grail....

Is It Just Me, or Does That Narrator Sound Like Walken?

2009-11-11T16:22:00.002-07:00

Instant Karma

2009-10-27T03:45:00.007-06:00

Monsters of Folk, Map of the World
Monsters of Folk (2009)

There's a map of the world
On the wall in your room
Green pins where you wanna go
White pins where you been
There isn't even ten,
You're already feeling old
Pretty faces stare back
From a magazine stack
That you read when
You're feeling bored
Look through a telescope lens
It doesn't make sense
You think you've been there before

Some far off feelings
Some up close kind of ache
Widescreen reason to
Look the other way

There's a place by the lake
That you go when it's late
In the summer when the crowds are gone
And you sit all alone with
With your thoughts, gettin' stoned
Just waitin' for some peace to come

Like the thing that you
Tried that you thought you liked
For a minute then it all felt wrong
So you're changin' again
All your clothes, all your friends
Just the same as it ever was

That far off feeling
That up close kind of ache
Some widescreen reason to
Look the other way

It's a road that you've paved
Over Indian graves and
You wonder why your dreams are crazed
So you cling to your wife,
Your kids, and your life
There's nothin' that you're gonna save
Put the razor to your face,
Hot water for a shave
Kill the shadow of yesterday
Clean shirt, clean pants,
Clean slate second chance
You're goin' by another name

Some far off feeling
Up close kind of ache
That instant karma
Always comes too late...

Remember All The Bad Dreams...

2009-10-22T21:06:00.011-06:00

...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead, Will You Smile Again for Me?
Worlds Apart (2005)

Close the door and drift away
Into a sea of uncertainty
Where all your hopes and dreams
Have faded out of reach
Remember all the bad dreams
Are not far from reality
Would you write again for me?

Let me whisper something in your ear...

And you awake and there you are
Not far off from the line before
And just how long did it take for you to understand
Where your feelings stopped and writing began
Convince yourself to take control
Play to the hilt this unlikely role

Remember all the bad dreams
Are not far from reality
Would you write again for me?
And who bade you stop this living art?
Have you forgotten just what you are?
If you don't want to then you could at least pretend
That the paper's your soul and your blood is the pen
And maybe then you'd see the light
And read the truth that you had to write

If heaven sent you downstream
Where banished eyes haven't been
Would you smile again for me?
You misread your fate line
Had long run out ahead of time
Would you write again for me?

And you awake and there you are
Not far off from the line before
And just how long did it take for you to understand
Where your feelings stopped and writing began
Convince yourself to take control
Play to the hilt this unlikely role

If heaven sent you downstream
Where banished eyes haven't been
Would you smile again for me?

...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead, How Near, How Far
Source Tags and Codes (2002)

Looking back in time
Through verses set in nursery rhyme
At oil painted eyes
Of muses left behind
I swear I know not why
Those eyes have always left me dry
She stands with arms stretched out
Towards the mountains & the clouds
Oil painted eyes
Blind yet hypnotized
I swear I know not why
Those eyes have always left me dry

(How near, how far, how lost they are)

I've rendered every line
Every contour of a muse's eye
Painted in my eye's mind
On canvases of time
I swear I know not why
Those eyes have always left me dry....

...And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead, Isis Unveiled
The Century of Self (2009)

I have made you in my likeness
And I will make you a keeper of my garden world
And if you honor me in kind, I will be grateful, but be warned
For I'm a jealous God
Who placed the demons in hell
And the angels in heaven
At my side

Set me free, I'll grant your hearts desire
And I will share the secrets of the grand design
Give me daughters, send me sons I'll make them all chosen ones
I will send them out to die
To meet the angels of death
With no tears, no regrets
I was cast down from the heights
My blood must pay for the debt
That was made when they left
Because of me

And if they taste the blood we'll let them drink
And if they taste the flesh we'll let them eat
And if one has to be forgiven then we'll pardon all of them
And if they raze our walls we'll let them in
And if they raise their swords we'll let them hit
And if one has to be forgiven then we'll pardon all of them

Let me lead you to the garden world
I will place you at the right of my father's hand
While I was tempted in the wild
I crossed from start til end of time
And I emerged the lamb
Who's blood must pay for the debt
That was made when they left
As I ascend into the sky
I'll free the angel from hell
And place them in heaven
At my side

So I went and saw Trail of Dead last Monday night. I started listening to them six or seven years ago, and then I saw them open for Queens of the Stone Age and they blew me away. I've been waiting to see them again ever since. They were supposed to come last March, but their tour bus was hit by a truck in Laramie, Wyoming and they had to cancel. I was bummed, but they made it back.

I can't even count how many concerts I have been to, but I have to say, this one was the best overall experience I've ever had at a live show. There couldn't have been more than a hundred people at the venue (which I don't understand), but it was so high energy. Before their set, co-lead singer and songwriter, album cover artist, and genius comic book geek Conrad Keely was milling around and let me get a picture with him. I look like a totally starstruck douche, mostly because I was a totally starstruck douche:

In small clubs (this was at Urban Lounge, which I used to hate until the indoor smoking ban went into effect, and now it's not so bad) I like to get up close to the stage, and since it was basically just me and 99 other people, I had a pretty good spot. During Isis Unveiled, Jason Reece got up to sing his part, and I guess he saw me singing along--although the term "singing" is used very loosely here--and so he turned the microphone around to me and I got to sing (or shout or scream or whatever it was I was doing) this part:

And if they taste the blood we'll let them drink
And if they taste the flesh we'll let them eat
And if one has to be forgiven then we'll pardon all of them
And if they raze our walls we'll let them in
And if they raise their swords we'll let them hit
And if one has to be forgiven then we'll pardon all of them

It was cool because that's my favorite part of the song. While that is probably as close to being a rock star, or even being in a band, as I will ever be, it was fun. Later on, Jason Reece jumped down into the audience and eventually wound up at the back of the club singing most of one song on the bar:

It was pretty crazy.

Anyway, I know I wrote about them before, and that probably didn't make you start listening to them and this probably won't either.

But it's your loss.

Done All Wrong

2009-10-17T20:21:00.005-06:00

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, Done All Wrong
(2009)

1. What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: our life is the creation of our mind. If a man speaks or acts with an impure mind, suffering follows him as the wheel of the cart follows the beast that draws the cart.

2. What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: our life is the creation of our mind. If a man speaks or acts with a pure mind, joy follows him as his own shadow.

3. "He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me." Those who think such thoughts will not be free from hate.

4. "He insulted me, he hurt me, he defeated me, he robbed me." Those who think not such thoughts will be free from hate.

5. For hate is not conquered by hate: hate is conquered by love. This is a law eternal.

6. Many do not know that we are here in this world to live in harmony. Those who know this do not fight against each other.

7. He who lives only for pleasures, and whose soul is not in harmony, who considers not the food he eats, is idle and has not the power of virtue--such a man is moved by mara, is moved by selfish temptations, even as a weak tree is shaken by the wind.

8. But he who lives not for pleasures, and whose soul is in self-harmony, who eats or fasts with moderation, and has faith and the power of virtue--this man is not moved by temptations, as a great rock is not shaken by the wind.

9. If a man puts on the pure yellow robe with a soul which is impure, without self-harmony and truth, he is not worthy of the holy robe.

10. But he who is pure from sin and whose soul is strong in virtue, who has self-harmony and truth, he is worth of the holy robe.

11. Those who think the unreal is, and think the Real is not, they shall never reach the Truth, lost in the path of wrong thought.

12. But those who know the Real is, and know the unreal is not, they shall indeed reach the Truth, safe on the path of right thought.

13. Even as rain breaks through an ill-thatched house, passions will break through an ill-guarded mind.

14. But even as rain breaks not through a well-thatched house, passions break not through a well guarded mind.

15. He suffers in this world, and he suffers in the next world: the man who does evil suffers in both worlds. He suffers, he suffers and mourns when he sees the wrong he has done.

16. He is happy in this world and he is happy in the next world: the man who does good is happy in both worlds. he is glad, he feels great gladness when he sees the good he has done.

17. He sorrows in this world, and he sorrows in the next world: the man who does evil sorrows in both worlds. "I have done evil," thus he laments, and more he laments the path of sorrow.

18. He rejoices in this world, and he rejoices in the next world: the man who does good rejoices in both worlds. "I have done good," thus he rejoices, and more he rejoices on the path of joy.

19. If a man speaks many holy words but he speaks and does not, this thoughtless man cannot enjoy the life of holiness: he is like a cowherd who counts the cows of his master.

20. Whereas if a man speaks but a few holy words and yet he lives the life of those words, free from passion and hate and illusion--with right vision and a mind free, craving for nothing both now and hereafter--the life of this man is a life of holiness.

--The Dhammapada

See You Down In Arizona Bay

2009-10-04T21:15:00.009-06:00

Donavon Frankenreiter, Mansions On The Sand
Pass It Around (2008)

Last week I went to Arizona for a seminar. It reminded me of being in school again. Like, learning stuff, and having to be at a certain place at a certain time in order to learn stuff. I do not miss school at all. But if the certain place you have to be is Arizona, it's not so bad. I've been there a couple times before, but not for this long. I was still pretty rushed and didn't have nearly the free time I would have liked (see? just like school), but still, it was beautiful.

Here are some pictures. This one is of my hotel:

When I checked out, I noticed there was a mandatory $12 charge on my bill listed as a "bellhop gratuity." I wouldn't have thought twice about it, if I hadn't had to lug my bags in and out by myself.

This was a nice little pond right outside my room and around the corner:

As you might expect, there were neat little cacti all over the place. Like this little guy:

This might be my favorite shot:

I like this one, too:

The first morning I was there, I went jogging on this little 2.5 mile trail and saw all kinds of cool animals and birds. There were four cute little jackrabbits, and I imagined they spoke in cute little British accents like the rabbits from Watership Down. Then I remembered I was in Arizona, and they probably spoke Pee Chee.

I didn't have my camera with me because I was running, so I went back out early the next morning to see if I could find them, but no luck. I did see this little bugger again, though, so I snapped a quick shot:

At first I thought it was just a small black duck with a white bill, but I learned this is actually a "coot." It was a cool looking little fella. In addition to the rabbits and coots, there were lots of regular ducks and a few storks and a lot of little lizards. Here's some ducks and a stork (no photos of lizards...I tried, but those suckers are fast):

I went out one evening as the sun was going down and got this picture:

It was prettier in real life. I was a loner down there, so I had to take my own picture:

As you can see, I am wearing a Tool t-shirt, which is what I wear about 75% of the time. But anyway, because I'm a Tool psycho, I went to Jerome, which is where Maynard lives:

It was a cool old mining town. I talked to a lady who lived there, and she kind of told me the town's history. It was at one point one of the largest cities in the west, and was a pretty raucous town full of swarthy copper miners and stuff. Now it's apparently a haven for Hell's Angels, because they were all over the place. It's a lot like a mini-Park City, only far less pretentious and snobby. Cool place.

And even though I didn't run into Maynard, I did go into his little shop, called "Puscifer," just like his side project/clothing line. The store just had a bunch of overpriced band merchandise and stuff (not Tool stuff, which I probably would have bought, but Puscifer and A Perfect Circle stuff). I was really hoping to go in and see him just sitting there behind the counter. But no such luck. Just a store. It was kind of funny to see it listed on this sign, though:

But I guess it wasn't too out of place with such counter culture bastions as the "Jerome Tattoo Co.," "Puffin Stuff Adult Boutique," and "Catholic Church."

He's also got a vineyard somewhere around there, and a winery where you can go in and buy some very, very, very expensive wine. I passed, because I had a long drive back. And I'm poor. And you get more bang for your buck with bottom shelf vodka. But mostly the long drive back.

But as a Tool nerd, it was cool to at least go there.

So that was my trip to Arizona. I left out the part about the 3 1/2 hours I got stuck in a traffic jam on the way back from Jerome, because I want to blot that out of my memory forever.

Brand New Brand New or Brand New Archers of Loaf?

2009-09-22T20:08:00.009-06:00

Brand New, Noro
Daisy (2009)

This week a couple of albums came out that I've been looking forward to. Probably the biggest one was Pearl Jam's new one, Backspacer (mini review: it's pretty good), but I'll write more about that after I see them next Monday.

The other one is Daisy by Brand New. With a few exceptions I've failed at recruiting people who I like who like cool music to Brand New, largely I think because of the band's...um...legacy. It is what it is, I guess, but their last CD, The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me, is a personal favorite (side note: I cried myself to sleep last night because Kelly told me she hated the song "Jesus," that's just how emo I am).

Anyway, I've given Daisy a few spins now, and it's really, really, really interesting. It's got very little in common with Devil and God, but I still like it. It reminds me a lot of Nirvana's In Utero--there's stuff there for the ones that want to hear it, but there's also a lot that that seems to be a deliberate "Fuck Off" to people that want a certain kind of music.

I haven't quite wrapped my head entirely around the whole thing, but I did want to point out that in addition to thinking the album evoked some Nirvana vibes (or maybe more particularly, Nirvana covering Meat Puppets vibes), I thought it sounded a lot like Archers of Loaf in some places. Then I found this quote from the lead singer, Jesse Lacey:

I think for a lot of this record we were listening to stuff that we listened to when we were younger. We were listening to Superchunk, Archers Of Loaf, Polvo, Modest Mouse, and even a lot of hardcore bands that we listened to when we were younger, like Fugazi.

Bingo. Modest Mouse I totally get, especially on the song "At the Bottom" that's been getting some airplay. But the Archers of Loaf stuff is there, too, even if it is a little more subtle. Listen to "Noro," clipped up above, and then "Dead Read Eyes" by Archers of Loaf. Listen closely, maybe even with headphones...it's almost the same song, isn't it? I mean, not totally...but almost?

Archers of Loaf, Dead Red Eyes
White Trash Heroes (1998)

Do you hear it, or is just me?

And don't get me wrong, I'm not ripping Brand New for cribbing Archers of Loaf. I mean, as far as influences go, that ain't bad.

Just thought it was interesting, that's all....

Goonies Never Say Die.

2009-09-18T20:01:00.014-06:00

Rick Bain & The Genius Position, Linear High
Crooked Autumn Sun (2000)

Earlier this week I had to go to Oregon to depose a urologist all about an old man's prostate. Among other horrifying truths having to do with weiners and cancer, I learned more than I ever wanted to know about a procedure called a trans-urethral needle ablation ("TUNA" for short). Anyway, during this TUNA procedure, they--get this--stick a tube up your pee hole. Then at the end of the tube this bunch of needles comes out right where your prostate is. Then all the needles jab into your prostate and emit interstitial radiofrequency waves that literally fry certain areas of tissue to make it go necrotic, thereby decreasing the size of the prostate.

I'm not kidding.

So what's the lesson, boys? That's right. Do kegel exercises and take shitloads of saw palmetto.

But anyway, that was the work part.

When I was a little kid my grandparents used to take us to the Oregon Coast every summer. I haven't been back there for years. I was much further north this time than where we used to go, but it brought back a lot of memories nonetheless. My hotel was right on the beach and I could see that sign and statute in that photo up top (which I stole) from my patio. Here are some more views from my patio (these are pictures I actually took myself):

As you can see, my photo includes Old Glory, because love it or leave it. It also includes the Pacific Ocean. It was so cool there...you could taste salt in the air.

That is a panoramic shot that includes a swingset that I did not have occasion to utilize.

More of the promenade thingy.

I walked out on the beach and had two interesting experiences. First, I saw this:

I wish there were something else in this picture to demonstrate the scale of how big it was. The hole was approximately the size of an old Volkswagen Beetle. So it was pretty big. And you know what my first thought was? That's right. It was "Crap. I wish I had my Joes, because that would be a bad ass place to play."

Note to self: Start packing a few Joes when you go out of town.

Then I started walking and thinking about various times from my life, and it all started playing out like scenes from a low budget television show. For each scene I could picture two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me, and the other to the the Omnipotent Supernatural Being Of Your Choice ("OSBOYC" for short).

When the last scene of my life flashed before me, I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

I noticed that many times along the path of my life there was only one set of footprints.

I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life.

This really bothered me and I questioned OSBOYC about it:

"OSBOYC, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

OSBOYC replied:

"Oh my precious, precious child; that is when I flew off to poo on your car."

Ha-ha I bet you didn't see that coming.

The coolest part of the trip was that Seaside, Oregon is 18 miles south of Astoria, Oregon, which, unless you're a complete fucking retard, you know is the home of The Goonies.

Remember that opening scene from The Goonies where the Fratelli mom and Joey Pantoliano bust that other Fratelli brother out of jail? If not, maybe this will refresh your memory:

See that jail? Well guess where I was on Tuesday? Yep:

Obviously, it's been repainted, but that's the same jail. Except look at the upper right hand window--what the hell happened there? That must have been the torture cell, because it looks like there is blood all over or something. Horrifying. But anyway, I can prove that is the same jail from The Goonies because of the sign on the door:

In case you can't read this picture, the sign says:

The old Clatsop County Jail saw 62 years of service and was the longest used, free-standing jail in Oregon. It is listed on the National Register of Historic Places.

It was built in 1914 and closed as a jail in 1976 when the county opened a larger, modern jail. The building is now used for offices and storage.

This jail was featured in the movies "The Goonies" in 1984, "Short Circuit" in 1985 and "Come See The Paradise" in 1989.

Cool, huh?

That's really the only memorable Goonies location I was able to track down, but right across the street is the museum where Mikey and Brand's dad was the curator. You see Mikey ride his bike by it and wave at his dad. It's not the coolest part of the movie I guess, but I still think it's neat that I was on the street where Mikey rode his bike to start off his quest for One Eyed Willey's treasure:

And so this post ends where it began...talking about one eyed willies.

Ha-ha I bet you didn't see that coming.